Man of the House

Hey fellas. Yeah you right there. Let me let you in on a little secret. Well it’s not really a secret but some of you have chose to ignore this fact or you’re just plain ignorant to the obvious. Women like men who take the lead. You don’t believe me? Find the nearest [straight] woman and ask her if she would rather follow a man that is worthy of leading or would she rather make all the decisions. I guarantee you at least 9 times out of 10 her answer is going to be the former.

Now social media, entertainers and even credible news sources will have you believe that this is the age of the independent woman. It’s not hard to hear a song that idealizes the idea that women don’t need us to get what they want and get to where they want in life. The number one anthem is the Destiny’s Child track, Independent Woman. It seems like since this song was released the popular ideology is that women could do without men. This may seem daunting because who wants to be with a woman who thinks she doesn’t need you. The problem with this way of thinking is it’s entirely ass backwards. Regardless of what anyone says or feels men were made to lead and women were made to follow. Based on that last statement I guarantee there are some women that are going to read this and think to themselves; “I’m not following anyone, I’m my own woman (or some variation of that).” Well those women are ass backwards too. They’ve been conditioned to think the role of a man is diminished in their lives. I could get into the reasons for this but that would be another blog post (or 6) in itself, so instead let’s discuss why we should be trying to get back our status as head of the household.

Being a leader is not an easy job. It takes a lot of work. People depend on you. Often times you don’t get enough credit (look at how many restaurants are packed on Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day) and when things go array everyone always looks to the person in charge. To lead is to take on great responsibility. Perhaps that is why so many of us shy away from the task. A lot of us want a lot of the benefits (big piece of the chicken) of being the head of the household but little of the work and accountability. A lot of trust has to be conveyed in order for a woman to submit to a man and follow his lead. In the end she has to know that you can handle your business in times of distress just as well as in times of prosperity. If you haven’t proved that you can handle the small things why would she trust you to handle the big things?

I don’t know how many of you are Christians but I am. If you don’t want to hear or read bible verses then you can skip to the next section. I believe that the bible is a blueprint to our lives. You follow it; maybe not a T but you use it as a guide in your everyday life on your spiritual walk with God. With that being said God intended man to lead. In Ephesians 5: 22-23 the word says:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…

This right here is the truth. Not only does it say that a woman must submit to her husband but the husband in turn should love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. Imagine how much Christ loved the church. A lot right? Almost incomprehensible. In order for a man to expect a woman to submit to him he must first submit to God. In this way when a woman submits to her husband, she is indeed submitting to God. If a man does not have God first in his life then how can he honestly expect anyone to follow him? The chain of command is broken and unordered. Growing up I remember every Sunday morning my father was the first one up getting the family ready for Sunday morning service. It didn’t matter if he was only working off of a couple of hours of sleep because he worked nights. We were in church; rain or shine almost every Sunday.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, “What does he know about anything? He’s not even married or engaged.” If that’s what you were thinking then you are absolutely correct. I’ve never been married or anything close to it. Now here’s my rebuttal. Let’s say you wanted to go to medical school. Would you show up to take the MCAT the day of the test with no preparation or would you take prep courses, study the materials and prepare yourself the best way you can so you can get the scores you want the first time around? The latter is my mind frame towards marriage. I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I take things from that. I also look at the relationship my parents had and know what I don’t want in a marriage. I’m working on becoming the best individual possible so that I can be the best leader that I can be. I’m trying to get it right the first time around.

Believe it or not, Fantasia is the inspiration behind this post. Not what’s happening on in her personal life because I could really care less about that. Her music is my inspiration. There is a track on her new album entitled, Man of the House, which really got me thinking. This line was the one that suck out to me the most because I just couldn’t imagine taking a backseat and letting a woman lead me.

“I’m sick and tired of being the boss for us; this ain’t the kind of love it’s supposed to be. You wanna king of the castle, you wanna be captain; you’re gonna have to work a little bit harder for that to happen.”


13 thoughts on “Man of the House

  1. Anonymous

    Love this post. Lots of truth here. I'm following a man as he follows Christ. If you're not following Him then you can forger about me following you. He has to be worthy of the prize of my submission. So yeah. Good stuff.

  2. Sukez

    🙂 This was a great post Tree. Super happy I can see where your mind is. That "Independent Ladies" track then "Single Ladies" didn't do justice for letting men know what women "want". So pointing out that we want someone to take charge is absolutely correct. And I like the bible verses. I'm no super Catholic – but I do my BEST to be and I'm trying to be better – but I cosign everything you said. My dad also gets everyone up for church. He drives there and gets us back. Always there, even when he just came back home at 7am and church is at 11 30. Love your wives like Christ loves the Church. Amen 🙂 Good Monday!

  3. LaBakir

    Great post Tu! Definitely retweeting this one. I know alot of dudes who either shy away from the responsibility or want you to follow their non-sense.And yes, it is tiring taking the lead all the damn time.

  4. Cryssy

    T *standing ovation* EXCELLENT post!!! I think you know how I feel about this – your delivery was better than mine could have ever been. I am a very opinionated person but I am very traditional is some ways and I EXPECT the man of my household to LEAD… I am a firm believer a lot of these "new women" are single because they are trying to be the man and the woman. A lot of men are not being the MAN because these "new women" have made it ok for them to think they don't have to be.This topic always reminds me of the Jill Scott song – I Need You!

  5. Nick@nite

    Thank you for this post.. Not a lot of men know this concept. They only skip ahead to the "woman should submit" part without realizing that there's a requisite of him too.. And I've never heard that Fantasia song, but she sounds like she was singing my last relationship.. I'm tired of being the man, but don't know one worthy of following..

  6. robinsona79

    "A lot of men are not being the MAN because these "new women" have made it ok for them to think they don't have to be."Exactly! This was a great, great post. And you were on point with WORTHY to lead. Most women do not mind sitting back letting a man take the lead, IF he's worthy. I, personally, am tired of making all of the decisions. Yes, they are ALL mine to make and affect only me (most times), but sometimes, you want someone else to decide what's for dinner or other input on how to solve a problem. Unfortunately, it's hard to find a guy to take the lead.

  7. Satya

    Dr. T, you're so on point. I was taught this coming up and believe it now. I want to be with a man that has submitted himself to God and is willing to accept the responsibility of being head of our household. As my aunt put it "when you find the man that God wants you to be with your spirit will not not submitting to him b/c his love for God is evident and his light shines"*waves church fan*

  8. Anonymous

    Thank you for this post, I'm so glad that SOME men get this. So many men want to be leaders and yet never stop to think about whether or not they are worth following.

  9. Ms. Sylaneous

    **clap clap clap clappp** Excellent.I've said for a long time I think the term/song 'Independent woman' has been blown COMPLETLEY outta porportion. Correct me if I'm wrong, BUT- I do believe the term is aimed more towards the idea of, 'If I HAVE to go it alone I'll be okay…. BUT I'd much rather have a man to share life with' -vs- 'Fuck you men, I will do it alone'. Then again, that just might be my take on it.The whole 'man is leader' thing is a lost idea. Men (wait…not ALL men… so if this isn't you.. isn't you)- but MEN sometimes use that 'loosely'..and think 'because I am a XY chromosome being… I will dominate'. Ehhh in my book- not so much… IF you are an XY chromosome being with your shit together…or making vast strides to get and keep their shit together…THEN you can deem or begin to deem yourself as a true 'leader'. Other wise…if you are 30, still running around with cornrows, baggy pants and 'hanging on the corner' daily… ummm WHO are you 'leading' as far as a WOMAN? Personally, I'm not down to be lead down the dark and dreary… LOLSo I KNOW I'm in a pretty good position in life… Blessed to be here… I don't brag about what I've accomplished… I don't WANT to be single forever… BUT I will NOT just be with a guy just to SAY 'I have a man'. I want a man who can match me and/or exceed me to share 'me' with…When he comes along… (I won't even say if… because I feel he's out there somewhere). When he comes along, I'll 'fall into my position' and be the submissive woman he needs me to be. But while I'm single.. I have to INDEPENDELTLY take care of me… ya dig?!?!


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