Gather Round…

I got a story to tell. I like to drink and so do most of my friends. I wouldn’t say that I’m an alcoholic but I have alcoholic tendencies. With that said I have a pretty high tolerance. Like freakishly high. I have a superpower. You didn’t know? I can control levels of alcohol dehydrogenase in my body so before I drink I just have a little pep talk with my liver. What does this have to do with the story? Glad you asked.

Last Saturday after I left the gym, showered and hit the lab I decided to hit up the Nike Outlet with one of my boys (KJ) to see what sneakers I could get for the low. When I got to his house I had two beers and then headed out the mall. On the way there we made a detour and stopped by one of our frat’s house. He had just made a big pot of chili and we were hungry so we stopped. While eating my frat brother broke out a half gallon of crown black. Needless to say by the time I hit the mall I had a nice little buzz going. After the outlet we stopped by one of my home girl’s house for a couple of drinks and I watched them play Michael Jackson the Experience (I still maintain that I’ll probably never play that game but its fun to watch people play). Once I left my home girl blessed me with a bottle of Jack (my drink of choice).

As I got home that night I started getting ready to go out. Ironing clothes, taking a shower and partaking in my Jack Daniels. Then there was a knock on my door. This people is where the story turns. One of my classmates [Name Retracted (NR)] shows up at my house ready to head out but his behavior was kind of erratic. He dapped me up but it was one of those long drawn out daps. At this point I say to myself, “Self, I think NR is drunk”. Like I said before I have a high tolerance for alcohol so conversely I have a low tolerance for people who can’t hold their liquor. As more of my friends arrived at my house we had more drinks and proceeded to head out.

Brief architectural layout of my house. My house sits up a little high so you have to climb 5 steps to get to my front door. I have a small porch with no rails to stop you from falling off the porch. To the left I have a two seater chair and to the right I have a single seat porch chair. As we are all leaving out to head to the club NR takes one step out my front door and falls to his right into my chair and onto the concrete. He was this close (holds thumb and pointing finger close together) to falling off my porch and possibly seriously injuring himself. All I could do was look in disbelief as I couldn’t understand how someone could be that drunk at 10:30pm.

I almost didn’t let him ride with me to the club because I didn’t want to be responsible for someone who was that drunk. On the way to the club (5 minutes at most. I live near downtown), NR falls asleep. When we pull up to the club I tap him on the shoulder to tell him we arrived at our destination. He took a second to realize where he was. As he proceeded to exit my vehicle he stumbled right into the car I parked next to. At this point I’m more than a little irritated. I told him he needed to pull himself together because if he couldn’t get into the club he was going to have sit in the car and I wasn’t going to leave it running so he could waste my gas.

Luckily the bouncer was cool because he noticed that NR was extremely intoxicated. Once inside we proceeded to party and have a good time. About 2 hours later I ask KJ had he seen NR because I hadn’t seen him since we got into the club. He told me that he told NR to have a seat. As I proceeded to look for him I found him in the back of the club sleeping in a chair. I just wondered how I got suckered into babysitting the drunk guy. It took me all of 0.25 seconds to realize that he really wasn’t my problem and I went back to partying. About 15 minutes later I look up and NR is right there partying with us. o_0

He wasn’t the only person that night that had too much to drink but he definitely was the most annoying. I made a promise to myself that if I ever go out with him again that I will have to meet him at the club and he definitely won’t ever be riding with me. I’m too old to be hanging with people who don’t know their limit. And that’s my story folks.

What have we learned here today? 1. If you get belligerently drunk around me I will talk about you. I think that’s about it. What have you learned from my experience?


20 thoughts on “Gather Round…

  1. Jubilance

    Ha, I love this post.

    Sadly (or not) I have a high tolerance so I can relate. I don’t babysit people either, I need folks to know their limits & act appropriately.

    I fallen asleep in the club before, but in my defense, it was my first time drinking ever, I was 17, I was in Mexico, & I probably should have been in the hospital given all that I drank that night.

  2. LaLaBakir

    I have a similar story that ended way more tragically.

    My girl from Cali had a b-day party at BB Kings in NYC. I’m excited to see her. My brother and I decided to go together, as well as this girl he was talking to fcking. We all went to high school together and the girl and I played ball together. Cool.

    We get to NYC and the spot is fairly empty, but we start drinking anyways. A short while later, this chick is WASTED off of Long Islands. My Cali friend hasn’t even arrived yet!

    I don’t know where this chick went, but I was able to mingle for a bit and see Cali when she eventually arrived. One of my brother’s boys tells me that Girl is drunk *insert dry face* and is sitting on the floor or some dumb shit.

    I try to get my bro’s attention on the dance floor, motioning to him that Girl is drink. He thinks I’m throwing my hands in the air or some sh*t and proceeds to dance and point at me. *super dry face*

    This Girl gets “us” kicked out the club. She can’t even walk. EVERYBODY else kept party except for my dude J who helped me (along w/ some strangers) drag her to the bus station.

    Does my story end here…nope

    The guards won’t even let us in the bus station b/c she can’t get on the bus in that condition. Girl sits on the ground (in a dress) legs cocked open. J tries to close them. Soon after she pees on herself. I spent the next hours on an ambulance ride, in a damn hospital in Harlem (intoxicated myself) and had to get back to NJ.

    Is that the end…no. B/c girl gave my bro her car keys. My bro went home to Newark. I went to my dad’s house…40 min away. That’s where girl car was. So I literally had to baby sit her again until we could get her here keys. My bro doesn’t have a car. Imagine how long that took.

    My step bro told me I was effin crazy and should’ve left her ass, moms said I did a good deed.

    I’ll NEVER do it again. Too much.

    1. N.I.A. naturally

      LOL. Funny story.

      I have a pretty high tolerance, and I’m lucky my friends know their limits. I don’t babysit anyway unless we’re related. Actually, I still wouldn’t babysit, because if I saw my kid sister wasn’t holding her liquor, she would have to stay home. lol.

    2. Yogi

      1st time I ever got twisted I was 19 and I was drinking Long Islands…never again have I touched that stuff!! I just got wasted New Year’s Eve on some darn wine….I’m too old for this mess…I def. know my limits but for some reason I could not but the wine down…I drunk a bottle of Moscato, and 3 glasses of Chardonnay…I was done when I got on that train ride home…but I held my own til I got into my apt…then home girl let loose! ha!

  3. N.I.A. naturally

    LOL. Funny story.

    I have a pretty high tolerance, and I’m lucky my friends know their limits. I don’t babysit anyway unless we’re related. Actually, I still wouldn’t babysit, because if I saw my kid sister wasn’t holding her liquor, she would have to stay home. lol.

  4. max

    I have too many stories like this. But I don’t drink at all and that makes it even more annoying.
    Once I hit the age of 30 I retired from babysitting drunk ass people at parties. Your intoxication is not my problem. I’m not looking for you and if I happen to stumble upon you passed out on the bathroom floor I will step over you and keep it moving 🙂

  5. DCBuppie

    Well, I for one know my limits. And when I do get there, I immediately want to leave.
    I am infamous for saying “I got to Go” to my friends, and taking my ass home to be drunk in peace.

  6. Sayo

    “I have a high tolerance for alcohol so conversely I have a low tolerance for people who can’t hold their liquor.”

    I find this to be true for many people who drink… at a certain age, you’re expected to know your limits and pace yourself…

  7. kema

    I will be different and admit to the many times when I was the drunk friend. Yea… You should know your limit by a certain age but I believe its harder when you start drinking at a later age.

    Anyway… Having been the drunk friend on many occasions I tend to be a little more sympathetic to those who like me do not have a high tolerance (2-3 drinks!).

  8. Yogi

    Thanks for the laugh!! OMG!! I’ve gone passed my limit a few times but never staggering drunk…no one can really tell I’m drunk til I’m on my way home or at home….I remember I got so twisted…I was riding the train…and the motion of the train got me so ill…I ended up throwing up in my purse…I was with my girl who was drunk too..but I was a little more sober…she was throwing up on the floor of the train….I just closed my eyes a pretended like I didn’t know this chick was throwing up on the floor ha!! But yea….I had to babysit a guy I was dating once…throwing up in the cab, on the cab, on himself…then he had the nerve to throw up IN MY BED!!! No sir….you will be sleeping on the cold hardwood floor with no covers….he didn’t even notice he was so gone…curled up like a little baby….ha!

  9. LaLaBakir

    How could I forget this part!

    Girl lost her phone and was calling her mom and her peoples from my phone. Days go on, and I get a phone call from this Girl’s mom asking me what happened to her, when was the last time I seen her.

    Girl is grown, I don’t know when/if she spoke to her mom. So I’m not trying to blow up her spot. But her moms is seriously talking to me like I kidnapped the btch or something! Asked how to spell my name and everything!

    I was like: What. Thee. Fck. I haven’t spoken to that girl since then.

  10. Starita34

    Being as though I didn’t really drink till like age 25 I’ve been in this VERY annoying situation a million times.

    BUT, let me say that the ONE time that I’ve drank too much and lost all semblance of composure-I was extremely appreciative of the man that nursed me to health and made sure that I was safe. Even if I did wake up half naked in bed with him Nothing happened, for real, for real. I couldn’t have been less attractive than I was at that moment.

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i didn’t start drinking till i was older either. not as old as 25 but i was definitely already in college. it may not seem old to you but a lot of my friends were drinking in high school.

  11. Vee

    I’m going through your archives just commenting on the ones that are the most interesting, and this one definitely is!

    I also didn’t start drinking until I was 22, and where I’m from the legal drinking age is 19 so you bet I was the designated driver for many, many a night. Annoying as hell, especially with women cause there’s ALWAYS drama.

    The worst story I have involves my sister. She could never hold her liquor, but this particular instance I steered clear from her for the whole night, just to end up getting a phone call at 2.30am with her on the street corner of the bar I was at with NO PANTS ON, just her tights, and some random guy’s jacket to cover herself. She was completely wasted and crying, so obviously I was shocked, worried, destorted… I called 911 right away thinking she had been attacked, but before I could tell them anything she said she was fine and that nothing had happened. She kept repeating it until I hung up. I called up a friend so we could take her home but she insisted on going to the woods where she thought she had left her pants (????). It was pitch black, middle of the night, not that warm either, all of us in our clubbing clothes (ie not the gear you want to go hiking with!), and we had to look for her fucking clothes. I was cursing so loud I think the next town heard me.

    Naturally we couldn’t find anything. Later on, from the bits and pieces she remembers and what other friends have said, she apparently left the party she was at and went for a walk in the woods (WTF!) and it was too hot so she took of her clothes. Then when she stumbled across people a young guy gave her his jacket (extremely altruistic cause he didn’t know her and got his jacket back only cause he’d left a piece of paper in the pocket with his name on it) so she wasn’t completely exposed, and another woman borrowed her a cell phone so she could call me. She was very lucky that nothing happened to her. She even found her clothes AND wallet AND cell phone! o_o

    So yea… top that! 😀


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