I got a story to tell. I like to drink and so do most of my friends. I wouldn’t say that I’m an alcoholic but I have alcoholic tendencies. With that said I have a pretty high tolerance. Like freakishly high. I have a superpower. You didn’t know? I can control levels of alcohol dehydrogenase in my body so before I drink I just have a little pep talk with my liver. What does this have to do with the story? Glad you asked.
Last Saturday after I left the gym, showered and hit the lab I decided to hit up the Nike Outlet with one of my boys (KJ) to see what sneakers I could get for the low. When I got to his house I had two beers and then headed out the mall. On the way there we made a detour and stopped by one of our frat’s house. He had just made a big pot of chili and we were hungry so we stopped. While eating my frat brother broke out a half gallon of crown black. Needless to say by the time I hit the mall I had a nice little buzz going. After the outlet we stopped by one of my home girl’s house for a couple of drinks and I watched them play Michael Jackson the Experience (I still maintain that I’ll probably never play that game but its fun to watch people play). Once I left my home girl blessed me with a bottle of Jack (my drink of choice).
As I got home that night I started getting ready to go out. Ironing clothes, taking a shower and partaking in my Jack Daniels. Then there was a knock on my door. This people is where the story turns. One of my classmates [Name Retracted (NR)] shows up at my house ready to head out but his behavior was kind of erratic. He dapped me up but it was one of those long drawn out daps. At this point I say to myself, “Self, I think NR is drunk”. Like I said before I have a high tolerance for alcohol so conversely I have a low tolerance for people who can’t hold their liquor. As more of my friends arrived at my house we had more drinks and proceeded to head out.
Brief architectural layout of my house. My house sits up a little high so you have to climb 5 steps to get to my front door. I have a small porch with no rails to stop you from falling off the porch. To the left I have a two seater chair and to the right I have a single seat porch chair. As we are all leaving out to head to the club NR takes one step out my front door and falls to his right into my chair and onto the concrete. He was this close (holds thumb and pointing finger close together) to falling off my porch and possibly seriously injuring himself. All I could do was look in disbelief as I couldn’t understand how someone could be that drunk at 10:30pm.
I almost didn’t let him ride with me to the club because I didn’t want to be responsible for someone who was that drunk. On the way to the club (5 minutes at most. I live near downtown), NR falls asleep. When we pull up to the club I tap him on the shoulder to tell him we arrived at our destination. He took a second to realize where he was. As he proceeded to exit my vehicle he stumbled right into the car I parked next to. At this point I’m more than a little irritated. I told him he needed to pull himself together because if he couldn’t get into the club he was going to have sit in the car and I wasn’t going to leave it running so he could waste my gas.
Luckily the bouncer was cool because he noticed that NR was extremely intoxicated. Once inside we proceeded to party and have a good time. About 2 hours later I ask KJ had he seen NR because I hadn’t seen him since we got into the club. He told me that he told NR to have a seat. As I proceeded to look for him I found him in the back of the club sleeping in a chair. I just wondered how I got suckered into babysitting the drunk guy. It took me all of 0.25 seconds to realize that he really wasn’t my problem and I went back to partying. About 15 minutes later I look up and NR is right there partying with us. o_0
He wasn’t the only person that night that had too much to drink but he definitely was the most annoying. I made a promise to myself that if I ever go out with him again that I will have to meet him at the club and he definitely won’t ever be riding with me. I’m too old to be hanging with people who don’t know their limit. And that’s my story folks.
What have we learned here today? 1. If you get belligerently drunk around me I will talk about you. I think that’s about it. What have you learned from my experience?