Engagement Rings

Coming back from a road trip this weekend I was checking my timeline and I came across this tweet.

“My homeboy just bought a very ugly engagement ring …. I really hope she says yes smdh” ~One Of My Followers (OOMF)

Usually when this topic comes up around the blog world, I don’t have much to say. This statement caused me to pause, consider, then furrow my brow. This is because I’ve always had the assumption that the woman I decide to ask to marry me won’t to materialistic. Let me be clear on that, I don’t think that is materialistic just because a woman wants a nice engagement ring. I will scrutinize a woman who will not accept a man’s proposal for marriage based solely on the size and price of a rock.

If I know I’m a good man. I treat a woman like she’s a queen. I provide for her, I care about her feelings and I’ve demonstrated that I want to spend the rest of my life with her then I should be able to get on bended knee with a cubic zirconia. Why should I be able to do that? A ring is nothing but a symbol of my promise to her that I plan on marrying her and taking wedding vows. I think she should trust that if I proposed to her with a cubic zirconia then there is good reason why the money I would have spent on a ring was spent on something else. Maybe like a down payment on a home.

This is the point I tried to make when I responded to the tweet and I was met with a debate. Per usual [as a man] I used logic and common sense but I was greeted with an argument that was laced with emotion.

OOMF: ” I agree but if he’s getting to the point of proposing he should have an idea or what she likes.”

BV: “what if that’s what he can afford at that time? you’d rather wait say another year? seems materialistic to me.”

OOMF: “prob is very materialistic but if he can’t afford a ring can he afford a wife? As a husband he is the provider.”

BV: “ummm so you don’t plan on contributing to household bills? a man is a provider but in this economy you can’t expect him to be the sole provider. and what if that’s not his priority? what if he would rather have a down payment on a house?”

OOMF: “well I didn’t know we were talking about me lol, yes I plan to contribute (i can pay bills as well) but I plan for my husband to be the head or the family; economy is a cop-out, he does what he has to do for his family.”

BV: “chicks kill me with that. and women wonder why a lot of dudes don’t want the hassle of marriage.”

OOMF: “yeah it goes both ways a lot of chicks don’t want the hassle either …” [Author’s Note: This statement is filled with lies.]

I think a lot of women have this mentality and then they wonder why they are single [single as defined by not married]. If you have this type of attitude towards something like an engagement ring, what man in his right mind is going to put himself in the position to deal with that for the rest of life? There are a lot of single women walking around talking about what they want in an engagement ring and what they won’t accept. Guess what? I seriously doubt you’re not going to marry a man based on size of your ring. If you do, I think you really did him a favor.

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21 thoughts on “Engagement Rings

  1. Ms.Tee

    I actually agree with u sir. I m gonna be honest, I do love a beautiful looking nice Rock  but I am not really a jewelry person. I would appreciate it & love it buy let’s be real, there can be upgrades throughout the marriage. I would take a house over a ring ANYDAY OF THE WEEK. Can that rock keep me worm no, can it provide me with love care, compassion, & support? No, no, & no again. I’ve never been a materialistic at all so there for I wouldn’t make a big deal about the ring as long as I know that man is committed to me & only me, as long as he shows his love for me with every single breath he takes. But hey that’s just me. To each is own. For shawty with the Nero mind, it looks as if she’s marrying the ring & not the man. Great way to start a marriage lol.

    Reply
  2. Veronica

    I do agree. Call me crazy- BUT if I’m at the point where a guy is trynna propose to me, I’m in it for him (and us), not ‘the ring’. Like you said, it’s simply a symbol of what should be already engraved in your heart and mind of each other. Now I’d lie if I said I’d be alllll happy go lucky if I was presented with a 1/4 karat (LOL). What if it was all he could afford… then that’s all he could afford *shrugs* love is still there. If he presented me with a 1/4 karat ring, saying, blah blah, blah- babe marry me… I know it’s a little small, but I just put a payment on a house/opened up some kind of account/investment blah blah blah for us… THEN IT’S EXTRA ALL GOOD! LOL I like to think I’m relatively a simple chick. I think the smaller things in life GENERALLY mean the most to me. I CAN honestly say that if (by some stroke of strangeness) I had the pleasure of being engaged to/married to some millionaire and he offered me a 3 karat ring, I’d say yes, but I’d ask for a smaller one. Crazy- I guess, but that’s toooo much for me. I’m not that flashy… put that money towards something else… of course he could prob afford it, but goodness!

    I think if ya get that ‘big rock’ for the engagement, you shouldn’t expect much as far as a friggin ‘wedding’ ring or a wedding for that matter. Shoot… give me a decent ring for engagement and put that same ring on my finger at the wedding! LOL I wouldn’t care as long as the same love you giving now remains til death do us part!

    Reply
  3. gemmieboo

    *sigh* i wish we (sistas) would get our priorities in order.

    you gon get crunked up over a RING?!?!?!? i mean, yes we all desire nice things that have a lil bling to them. but to put marriage on hold because of an engagement ring that doesn’t meet your standards?? no ma’am

    Reply
  4. Jubilance

    For most women, getting married isn’t about love & wanting to share your life with someone & all that…its about being chosen & being “better” than all those other women who haven’t been chosen. It’s a status symbol & so the big ring, the huge wedding, etc are all apart of the “look how much better I am than you” mindset that too many women subscribe to.

    I agree, women who have messed up priorities when it comes to marriage are definitely contributing to their single-ness.

    Reply
  5. Ms. Tee

    Shit you can Tattoo a ring on me like Pepper & Trech as long and I know I will have my man & house for all eternity. Forget the materialistic aspects. Some people just are in it to benifit theirselves & only them. They don’t care about their man, & how he’s trying to provide for them in the present & future. Some women can be just so damn selfish I swear. Sad part about this is, those are the main chicks to get married first to for all the wrong reasons. But hey that’s how the cookie crumbles.

    Check out my Blog Spot Folks: http://mssexytee.tumblr.com/

    Reply
  6. N.I.A. naturally

    I agree with you sir.

    I think people, men and women, want marriage for the wrong reasons. The divorce rates are what they are because of both parties, ans not solely due to women wanting a flashy engagement ring and a big wedding.

    Unfortunately, there are a few materialistic women who put too much importance on the superficiality of marriage, the ring, the ceremony, the dress. And thanks to great shows like Say Yes To The Dress, and my fave, Platinum Weddings, we’re being fed this idea of opulence and excessiveness, rather than a real conversation about marriage.

    I get the feeling that the OOMF mentioned above is the one sho has a problem with the ring, and my guess is that she’s single. Just because she doesn’t like it doesn’t mean the young man’s woman won’t love it, because she loves him. However, if she doesn’t, she’s a fool, and he’s a poor judge of character.

    Reply
  7. Jasmaine

    Honestly, statements like that (the statement of your follower) is the main reason I deleted my Twitter account lol j/k… I’m just so surprised at the amount of screwed up views on relationships …especially coming from the female gender…so many women out there spewing that poison…ugh.
    To get more on subject…the sentiment of that young lady is the same sentiment I hear from a lotof women…and it’s all hooey, cause 9/10 times, women who talk like that are the same type of women who would say yes and start planning a wedding if the guy she isdating so much as asked her on a second date. The most vocal, damning women are usually the ones that get made a fool of. Often.

    Reply
  8. Euphoric Ears

    Hmmm…the person said the ring was UGLY, not CHEAP. To me, those are very two different descriptions. I’ve seen ugly, expensive sh*t. As far as the ring being ugly…guess what? His fiancee may love it and that’s all that matters. And if she didn’t accept his engagement based off of that…well as you said, she’s doing him a favor.

    Too much emphasis is based on the ring and the wedding in today’s society. Like someone mentioned above rings can always be upgraded, but to lose out on love b/c of something materialistic…that’s crazy to me.

    Reply
  9. Sayo

    It’s fresh to see so many females in agreement over this. With as many females that think otherwise, it’s encouraging, lol.

    I have no problem wanting to provide for either my wife would be, but as a man, the engagement ring just isn’t worth the investment, particularly for the women superficial enough to think it matters that much. I would figure most guys to agree.

    Reply
  10. DCbuppie

    I beg to differ. Call me what you want. But im real. We want we want, and we work hard to get it. I am not a ring feen.

    However I do want a quality ring that I can look down at it it know it represents what me and my lover have. CZ is fake. A woman has to wear this thing you know, and if its ugly its going to cause insecurity, just like when women have ugly feet. they hide it.

    I rather have a really good ring, and AXE the wedding. If we are not in a financial situation to afford it, then I feel pretty safe, that we are most likely not in a situation to get married. Plus I dont have a issue putting in for what I like, if the man is comfortable with that…

    Reply
    1. Reecie

      me too, all that. nice ring; downsize the wedding. I have to wear it and I want to love it. The wedding doesn’t take precedent over the marriage anyway–its only one day. I feel THAT is more of a waste these days, but what do I know?

      Reply
  11. DCbuppie

    just another comment, some of this banter is why dudes have lost alot of their value to women. I mean “women wonder why they are single??” why because we actually want a Man to be a Man?

    While buying rings does not define a a man, I find it very.. hypocritical sometimes for men to want traditional things from women, or respect for it..yet they dont even live up to it?? #imjustsayin

    When you stop buying rings, stop taking the trash out, WTF do you do?

    Reply
  12. M.D.

    What is this “men have lost their value” nonsense. Let’s clear some things up, most men will provide a nice ring within their means. The people who debate this issue are the single individuals. The ones who make the biggest deal about it are the single women…emphasis on single. The women who don’t make the biggest ordeal about the issue are the women being married and low and behold given the rings that will allow them to be secure. I don’t see why security should come from the superficial item and not the relationship. Priorities?

    Their are men who desire a woman he can shower with gifts, but not if a woman just thinks that she is entitled because she is a woman. Everything is earned, regardless of how big or small. The sooner most women realize this the sooner they will find what they want, a provider, protector, and partner.

    The debate over the ring is silly and petty.

    Reply
  13. Muze

    Lala made a good point. maybe the ring WAS ugly. that’s still superficial and she’d be crazy to not accept a proposal based on that, but i don’t think she was implying that it was too cheap.

    i don’t even want a ring, really. but i’d rock a twisty tie ring if it had a special meaning between me and my Him. value is not always in price.

    Reply
  14. Lami

    Personally, I dont even want an engagement ring because I think most engagement rings are ugly and besides my fingers are too short anyway to handle 2 rings. A nice wedding band will do just fine.

    Reply
  15. Christina

    I DONT AGREE AT ALL! I think an engagement ring is a commitment–a sacrifice that should be made by a man and as a result should not feel comfy or convenient. If you have the means–pay! It’s a dowry 1 month income or 10% of your salary. I’m not saying I need a rock, but I am saying that a man should not use the easy excuse of saying a girl is a gold digger just because he doesn’t want to pay for a ring although he has the means to.

    If you can only afford 1/2 carat that’s find– this woman is giving up her name, family, life to be at your beck and call- the least you could do is abide by your commitment. Some men always want to take the easy way out don’t want to pay, don’t want to work, don’t want to cook, don’t want to clean but wants a woman to meet them half way yet can’t but can’t buy a ring? Smh… That’s why so many women wonder why roles have changed so much over the years—because we allow FOOLISHENSS! If you want to be seen as a man-know your role!Rubbishhh…

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      wait. what men don’t want to work? most men i know cook and clean (better than most women at that). and on top of that i don’t like the term “know your role” cuz if i wrote a post saying women should know their role and get in the kitchen i can almost guarantee that you’d be up in arms.

      trust the women i marry will have a nice, expensive ring because i WANT her to. but i want to know that if i was down she would still accept me as i am.

      Reply
  16. DC Dating Diva

    Ok Tunde, I’ve been MIA, but have still lurked…1st I wanted to say I heart you, like I heart Fro-yo. Second, I’m house hunting now. Third, I prefer a small intimate wedding, and a great honeymoon. And forth I don’t wear jewelry, so I never thought about a ring. When I think about marriage and weddings and proposals…a ring is the furthest thing from my mind. It’s a tangible item that can get stolen, pawned, or lost. I’d much rather have a fab vacay, fab home, lasting love and great sex atleast 5 times a week (4 if work gets in the way)

    Congrats btw of your schooling accomplishments and ish. So happy for you!!!!!

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      Hey!!! Long time. I figured you were busy with school. Glad to hear things are good with you. See you’re the type of woman I could get with. 5 times a week huh? niiiice.

      Reply
      1. DC Dating Diva

        Yeah, what can I say, sex is extremely important to me, I’ve responded to posts about it in the past. I feel like finances can always be worked out, but if sex is bad or non-existant from the beginning, then it will suck when you get get married. Obviously, I would ultimately like someone who is just like me in terms of personality, drive, and ambition. And quite frankly, I met dudes like that, but it was always lacking in the chemistry/sex department. It’s not the end all, but it’s extremely important. I’d reather have great sex and chemistry, than a great ring. That’s just me. I know most would disagree…

        Being MIA paid off, I got a 3.8 gpa this semester. Woot, woot!!!

  17. Nichole S. Smith

    I see both sides in this post. Unsure if your follower shares my stance verbatiim, so I will elaborate.

    As a single female not ready for marriage but for the exclusive relationship headed in that direction I do care about my engagement ring! I want it to be something I am internally proud of, first and foremost, but also externally. I want to be able to show it off without insecurity or any reservation and those are my own personal feelings. No, its not what others may think, care but based off my standards and expectations and individual way of living. As I believe if my way of living can’t/doesn’t increase by us becoming one, then maybe we need to slow down a bit, maybe, something to ponder, thoughts?

    Being the successful woman, I am, by the grace of God, I want my man to be equally successful, if not more! I want him to be as ambitious, if not greater. And no, not just financies, everything! Yes, financial stability is imperative, it is critical in a relationship, as most relationships end in divorce over financies.

    No I am not materialistic, but I do love the finer things in life which is why I have push myself hard both, educationally & professionally.

    No going in debt purchasing that ring is not an option and if the caliber of ring is compromised because of a long-term goal of ours, we merely need to have that discussion, especially if its in regards to the purchase of our soon to be home as one! I want us to both be happy and neither feel as if their wants have been tabled, make sense?

    The engagement ring is his first real gift to me as we embark on that journey of one, so I don’t want to contribute to that; however, if I need to cover something else allow me that option instead of downgrading what I want. These type of things require open and honest communication and if that is happening I don’t forsee us having this promblem mentioned here!

    A man has to know when to come to his rib and that is often hard for his pride to allow, as well as the rib, woman, has to know when she can’t overstep, so we need to have that open dialogue. Its hard but its possible!

    Society has warped this entire process and that is the other factor! No one wants to be judged but we all will be so if we do nothing else, we have to keep each others wants in mind, noticing I said wants, so some things won’t be fulfilled but all should be discussed before hand as expectations of what a man and woman want vary greatly and tradition is rarely followed, so there is no way of knowing without discussing. So save yourself the hurt and disappointment by not surprising your woman with a ring she wouldn’t want, especially if its opposite of her present lifestyle, taste of living! At least not this woman, speaking of me!

    ~Nichole S.

    Reply

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