Male Whores

First, as I’m writing this post I’m silently cursing Suki because I was going to write about this on recommendation from IRantURave but Suki just had to call me out. So now I’m proving her ass wrong. I can and will write about subjects that can put men in a negative light (including myself).

Leave the money on the dresser.

In a previous post entitled Dream Sellers, I admitted to being somewhat of a whore. I explained how I came to that point in my life. What I failed to mention is that being a male whore isn’t really all that cool. If I were a woman writing a post about how many men I ran through in my past and I wasn’t anonymous, I would imagine that I would be judged and I would lose a lot of potential suitors. Why is it that I got no such flack? There are women that I date/d that read my blog. No one so much as raised an eyebrow (if they did they didn’t bring it to my attention).

I understand that there are plenty of double standards in this world and I’m ok with that. Sometimes a double standard works in your favor and sometimes it doesn’t. Do you want to know what I tell a woman when she asks me, why is it ok for men to sleep around and its not ok for them to do the same. I say “So you want to be a whore?” The only time you should be able to complain about a double standard is when you actually want what the other side has. If you don’t want to be a whore then you shouldn’t complain. Like I already said. There’s nothing cool about being a whore.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret (may not be a secret to some of you). I was a virgin till I was 20 years old. This wasn’t by accident. It was actually by design. I wasn’t some nerdy kid who didn’t have any luck with the ladies (well I did in early high school). I was smart, athletic, good looking and I definitely had no problem with women. I learned early on from watching my dad (who had no problem hiding his womanizing ways) how being a whore can bring you nothing but trouble. Even though my dad was a friendly guy he always told me “focus on your studies. chase that money and eventually women will chase you.” I listened to my dad. One of only pieces of useful advice he gave me. While my friends were losing their virginity and having “locker room” talk I shrugged off questions when asked about my conquests. By the time I got to college no one actually believed me when I said I was a virgin. They assumed I was using it as some type of game.

What I’ve learned from my times as an an adult virgin to a man whore to somewhere in between is that most men go through a stage in life where they are more concerned about sleeping with as many women as possible. Its not until we reach a certain point where we realize that sex isn’t all there is when it comes to women. A lot of times this lesson comes at a price when we look back and realize how many women we’ve hurt and how to a larger extent we’ve hurt ourselves. This is where I am now. Quality trumps quantity any and everyday.

“I’m trying to be strong and remind myself she ain’t about shit. These hoes the same, all that change is the outfit.” – J.Cole (Villematic)


25 thoughts on “Male Whores

  1. nowsayitwithme

    Allow me to be the first to quote you and others that have said it:
    “Quality trumps quantity any and everyday.”
    Any and everyday indeed. Thanks for calling me out. I still won 🙂

  2. nowsayitwithme

    Oh and I kinda accept your whorish ways. 🙂 Thanks for making this clear for us women around the world. I used to get mad at double standards. But now, I believe I’ve accepted the fact that they’re here to stay and well, *shrug* maybe we do belong in the kitchen sometimes lol

  3. nianaturally

    I believe being sexually promiscuous, a whore if you will, damages your spirit. In each sexual encounter, you give way part of yourself. Men throw away life when they get that ever sought after nut. And in some cases,sowing and reaping seeds, giving life, without any purpose or promise.

    I hate the way society uplifts the player ideal, and make it seem like being a man whore is some admirable quality to be obtained. It isn’t.

    I intend to raise my son to value the life force within him, and teach him the potential pain(mental, emotional, spiritually) will outweigh the 15-30 minutes of pleasure.

    Great post, darling.

    1. Adonis

      Hold up, you got a seed… -_-… I hope you were saying “When I do have a son”

      Just because someone chooses to be a player, that doesn’t make him less of a person…

      I think you are projecting the way women process s*x, as opposed the way men process s*x…

      Men are better built for multiple partners than women… We may have varying s*x drives… But still the same…

  4. That Damn African

    Good post, Tu. Male whoredom seems to be a rites of passage for most, if not all, men. That time when you realize your power as a sexually active man and use it to satisfy your carnal desires. It’s acceptable so men do it and because men do it, it’s acceptable. I often wonder what might happen once I have sex for the first time. Having the strength to stay a virgin for this long doesn’t necessarily protect me from the desires of being a male whore once I experience what it’s like. I believe I’m stronger than that, but I’ve seen plenty of strong men fall because they underestimated their opponent and overestimated their own invincibility.

    But it all comes down to this: “Quality trumps quantity any and everyday.” That’s how it should be.

  5. Lioness Rising

    The interesting thing is a 20 year old male virgin is some type of unicorn in American society and looked down upon. Loosing your virginity when you know a bit about yourself versus when you know nothing about yourself is an asset. You entered your whore-dom with eyes wide open. Most people are so busy chasing a sexual high that they don’t stop and think what they want out of sex or what is important to them, which is why so many men and (mostly) women have an epiphany one day and change their whoring ways.
    cosign on quality> quantity

  6. TGray

    I mentor a couple teenage athletes and they use to always brag about how many girls throw themselves at them.

    So I asked how many would you spend the next 18 years with…..

  7. Ms. Tee

    This was really good to FINALLY hear another male admit this besides my married whore of a male best friend. Double standards SUCK but hey it is what it is. I can honestly say that some men praise being a whore but most of those kinds are immature and not yet ready to be a real man and conquer a real women & relationship. But that’s life, we live and we learn. I just hope all the male whores are being safe and aren’t out here popping out babies in the proccess like they lil wayne or something.
    #ThatIsAll #GoodDayFolksSmooches

    1. Adonis

      Your comment was wavy sweetheart, but chill with the “Be A Real Man” “A Real Man Would..” arguments… You lose credibility when you use that statement…

      When women define REAL MEN, the definition is usually within the realm of “How he could cater to me & my interests”, Not what’s good for society, not what he wants as a man… Which might to sleep with multiple women & wh*re himself out…

      As much as I want to condemn women for high body counts (I am 23, my body count is 6, I think, and s*xual experiences is in the 10+ range), it is still their body & their right to use it as they please. And it is my right to pump them & dump them.

      In conclusion, don’t tell me & or any other I/He is not a real man because he won’t give a woman a monogamous relationship…

  8. Quis

    I think the issue with double standards, is not that they exist, it’s in how they are manipulated to be advantageous dependent on the situation. [I refrain from going into any examples as it will divert responses away from the response to the situation]

    On the case of “whoring” around, I personally don’t focus on the number of different partners rather thinking about the situations. For instance, Person A can have 13 partners over a span of 16 years while being in a committed relationship to each of them, but somebody will still consider them a whore based on number. However, Person B, can have 5 partners not remember the names of 2, and only been committed to 1, but get scrutinized because most are not interested in knowing the whole story.

    There are many arguments that can be hashed out over the circumstances that justify a sexual encounter, but at the end of the day does it really matter?

    1. Adonis

      There are many arguments that can be hashed out over the circumstances that justify a sexual encounter, but at the end of the day does it really matter?


  9. Keona

    As far as the double standard, most women I know always lie about how many partners they’ve had to avoid the double standard. It’s not fair but neither is the double standard.

    I introduced my friend to another friend of mine, and she told him about her having unprotected sex a few months prior. He berated for her poor decisions her but seemed to “forget” the entire conversation when his ex girlfriend gave birth to his son mere months later.

  10. gemmieboo

    i dont really judge ppl who whore around. if some one wants to explore their sexual freedom by sleeping with any and everyone, go right ahead. i just encourage they use protection. otherwise, grown folks make their own decisions.

    i do, however, steer of men i deem as man whores. i just tend to stay away from them. nothing good comes from it as some one who is very sexually exclusive and picky (my # is quite low as a result).

    but to each his/her own *shrug* i learn the best tips from friends who are freer with their sexuality lol

    1. Sheri

      Agreed. I have learned some fantastic tips! My number is also low, I just have friends who happen to enjoy exploring their sexuality. And why am I the victim of their jokes?! I just laugh.

  11. Sheri

    I agree. Many women I know lie about the number of partners they’ve been with for fear of shame and judgement. The double standard is infuriating and what makes it more of a slap in the face is the excuse, “That’s just the way the world works [shrug of shoulders]”. As a woman with many female friends that believe in casual sex ( we like to call it “maintenance”), I find it unfortunate that women judge each other about the number of partners they’ve had. At the end of the day, does it matter?

  12. Ms. Tee

    I feel as though no one needs to know your # but you. That’s how I look at it. Even if you are a whore or not I hope that you do keep track of your partners for the simple fact if you happen to catch something. Yes we all know everyone goes threw that sexual revolution phase weather it’s after having a stricked childhood, a bad break up, or being easily influence we all get to that point where we become curious. Weathers it’s with 1 person or 100 we all have our days. Double standard or not “WE ARE ALL HUMANS WHO HAVE NEEDS”.

  13. Ms. Tee

    I feel as though no one needs to know your # but you. That’s how I look at it. Even if you are a whore or not I hope that you do keep track of your partners for the simple fact if you happen to catch something. Yes we all know everyone goes threw that sexual revolution phase weather it’s after having a strict childhood, a bad break up, or being easily influence we all get to that point where we become curious. Weathers it’s with 1 person or 100 we all have our days. Double standard or not “WE ARE ALL HUMANS WHO HAVE NEEDS”.

  14. JSin

    This is a great post.

    I like the fact that you aren’t afraid to speak out and just tell it how you see it. I believe a lot of people focus on a woman’s sexual experiences, but ignore a man’s sexual conquests.

    This is a very interesting topic. I don’t know if you would be willing, but I’d like to have you as a guest on my podcast to discuss this. Let me know if you would be interested.

    Keep the great post coming.


  15. Crystal Marie

    Wow, the honesty here is refreshing. That’s an interesting concept, that you shouldn’t care about your double standard if you don’t even want the benefits of the standard. I guess it’s a stress-free way to look at it, but it doesn’t address the problems that ripple out to everyone. For instance, I don’t want to be a whore, but if I go to the club, it’s often assumed that I’m looking for some r rated attention. The ripple effects of double standards hit and affect everyone.

    Thanks for this post though, it was good to hear a guy admit to it. 🙂

  16. keishabrown

    not to sound all..meh.. but..

    the reason why no one reacted is because the women you date/d, likely already knew this about you, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.

    and women already know all about this double standard. boys/men are encouraged to sow their wild oats (pardon the expression), be free, be brazenly virile (puns intended). i dont necessarily want it, but there are so many negative consequences of it (sexual double standards) that i wish would go away.

    i appreciate the honesty of this post, the fact still remains however, that until you make the conscious decision that its ‘quality over quantity’, you can still have your whorish moments of sexual discovery. women, never will. and while im not saying by any means i want to be a whore, it would be nice to express and learn about my sexual self without the labels or worse thrown at me.

  17. Adonis

    FTR, Wh*res are a respected part of the community, they serve a purpose… They get paid. If you aren’t a @CandyDeepThroat who getting paper for your talents, you ain’t a wh*re, you are a sl*t…

    Now, I am very wary of sl*ts,

    1. Because I don’t want my girl cheating, if you are a woman that sleeps around, it is harder to have that kind of monogamy…

    2. I want to have children with women who are good moms, good moms don’t have high body counts… When they have children, they will more likely be a mom…

    3. I want to make sure the child is MINE!!! Nuff said…

    Tunde, really you are no different that “Most”, who grew up with good women in their life..

    You see what the collateral damage of a male who is sleeping around with multiple partners…

    That is your experience…

    As long as a person can make sure their children are good in every sense of the word.. They can f*ck away…

    Whether a man/woman decides to use his body for monogamy or polyamory, doesn’t make him better or a lesser human…

    And women need to get over the double standards, you negligence of the double standard is part of the reason why society is crumbling (illegitimate babies, no fathers in the home, etc…)

    Female sexuality is controlled for a reason… While don’t agree in the way some societies control it… I understand… The American black community is a huge example of that…

  18. Sofi

    You say” Do you want to know what I tell a woman when she asks me, why is it ok for men to sleep around and its not ok for them to do the same. I say “So you want to be a whore?”” Women say that not because they want to be whores as you respond to them it’s simply because it hurts women to be with a man whore, just like a man does not want to be with a female whore he does not know where she has been cant trust her and so on in the end he gets hurt in the relationship. Men make it seem like its ok to be whores and they excuse other men for being so, therefore women do not find the support to exclude these men as they are supported by other men and sometimes are even the role model for other men. On the other hand, promiscuous women are excluded and scrutinized by both men and women so it’s harder to escape the consequences. Just because double standards exist does not mean that they are right, female infanticide was wide spread in many cultures and accepted because of similar mentality about how a female is, to avoid shame, poverty and so on. Men hold on to such double standards because it benefits them and provides a way out from the consequences experienced by there female counterparts engaging in the same act.

    @Adonis. your reasons can also apply to men, if a women is going to be faithful, take care of your children, spend her youth years with you, help you with finances she wants to know you are faithful too and not sleeping with other women behind her back.

    Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating female promiscuity, but rather chastity for both men and women or at least minimizing promiscuous behavior. It takes two to tango, you can’t blame a women for a promiscuous behavior that she does with a man yet excuse the man for the same behavior that he does with women. Divorce rate between women and promiscuous men are higher vs not promiscuous men. On the same note, @Adonis you gave Black American community as an example of female promiscuity, really, so you’re saying that Black men are not promiscuous it’s only the women, do you see the rappers that are from the “hoods” and how they advocate using women and cheating on them. If there is 5 guys with 1 women = 1 illegitimate baby, but 1 guy with 5 women =5 illegitimate babies, did you ever think maybe it’s because of male promiscuity that there are a lot of illegitimate babies?!

    Don’t be blinded and seek self-interest, be fair.


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