How To Approach A Woman

I pride myself on being a people watcher.

I’ve been living in New York for about 9 days now and I’ve been observed a whole lot in terms of men and women and how they interact with each other. Before coming here the most aggressive I’ve seen men in trying to get a woman’s attention had to be in New Orleans. I thought they were super agressive but they have nothing on dudes from New York. Rude and creepy is an understatement.

I’ve seen cat calls, following women, grabbing arms, staring, you name it and it’s been done. All I can do is shake my head at this type of behavior. Today a friend of mine came to my house. She had to walk about 4 blocks from the train station to get to my apartment building. As we made our way back to the station I noticed a guy on the corner staring us down. As we passed my friend said: “Funny, how he can’t speak now. When I was on the way to your apartment he was all like “Baby, where you going? I can take care of you…” Now he’s quiet.” All I could do was laugh.

Not all men and especially not the men reading this (y’all know better) need this advice but a lot do.

*Let me say I’m not an expert when approaching women because I hardly ever do it myself. Especially not on a public street.*

The number one rule. Be respectful.

Saying “pssssttt” or “hey ma” or “hey light skin” is usually not going to garner any type of reaction that you might like from her. Best case scenario she’ll ignore you. Either way if you were really interested that’s not the response you were going for.

If she’s in the middle of a conversation with someone (in person or on the phone) then interrupting her conversation isn’t the best course of action either. You can either wait till she gets off the phone or cut your losses.

Touching her is not cool. Ever. Matter of fact don’t even invade her personal space. 3 feet minimum. She doesn’t know you. Remember that. Besides you wouldn’t want someone touching your mom, sister, cousin, etc.

If a woman isn’t feeling you’re advances then there is no need to follow her. If she says she has a boyfriend. Wish her luck and tell her that her boyfriend is a lucky man. She might not have one but that’s not for you try to figure out. Just let it go.

Oh and women. Can’t forget y’all.

If a man approaches you respectfully there’s nothing wrong with flashing a smile or saying “No, thank you” and keep it moving. No harm, no foul. If you’re not feeling him then that’s all you have to do. I understand that there are men out there that don’t know how to take no for an answer but we’re not talking about them right now. We’re talking about men who come correct.


33 thoughts on “How To Approach A Woman

  1. Veronica

    *like*. Not that I get approached much (funny that as friendly as I think/thought i appear, I’ve been told I look mean.. Lol anyway.) yeah new Orleans has been super rough!! Lol the think I absolutely hate is that guy who does that whole: “grab the arm, say ma, pssst, hey hey hey” thing- I respond with a “let my arm go motion”, a smile, thanks but no thanks, THEN fella flips it and nnnooowww I’m a “ugly b*tch that nobody wants”. Serious guy? Lol rejection is that hard?!? Anyway- all good point for both sides! #thatisall 🙂

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      my brother used to do that ignorant shit. i had to learn him. its not a good look. rejection hurts but cursing out a woman makes you look childish and no man wins when arguing in public with a woman.

  2. Divinepearlz

    As a NY’er it isdown right scary and out of order how some men try and get our attention. Dudes asks me questions like, where you going, you have kids… No…. You ever had an abortion?…. They are big on touching and then wonder why they get the stupid face. The problem is that Hoodrat chick’s low this and Hoodrat dudes take it and think that it is applicable to all women. Dead serious, don’t touch me, don’t wait until I am down the block to call me and think that I am coming to you. Don’t ask where I am going… It isn’t any of your business.

  3. LaDiDa

    Good post. Dudes can be foul. I’ve been grabbed by my arm, and they really slick and bold ones have grabbed my ass in crowded places. Hell, in high school a kid mushed me b/c I wouldn’t dance with him. I could go on for days.

    Bottom line is I’m kind to those who are respectful. If you’re not, expect me to be rude or non-responsive in return. I’m not a cat, so is you hit me w/ “psssst”, I’m gonna keep walking. Make an inappropriate comment about my body will get you the blank face, and possibly some not so nice words.

    A lot of dudes from up north be wilding, then wonder why plenty of women stay with the mean mug. Who wants to deal w/ that kind of attention?

  4. Lioness Rising

    Ohh NYC

    You haven’t seen the worst of it.

    1. I love how dudes in NYC can approach you with a “hey ma” and you can respectively decline and they hit you with a “F*ck you black B*tch, yall don’t f*ck” <<true story, and in midtown no less. I've also heard of women being attacked/ harassed when they don't respond positively

    2. Nobody worth being approach by has approached me on the street. I do wonder how I would respond to a nice guy coming up to me on the street or on the train.

    3. BK dudes loves to harass me about my "pretty feet" Fall. Back

    4. The craziness is compounded by the high amount of Caribbean men in NYC. Anyone who has lived in the Caribbean know they are on a new level. But at least they usually come out with some witty lines that make you crack a smile. Dominicans and Jamaicans especially

    Good Tips!

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      wait, what’s wrong with admiring pretty feet? j/k

      fuck you, black bitch huh? the thing is a lot of dudes go this route because they know that a woman will not confront a man for fear of a physical confrontation. most times these men wouldn’t dare say a peep to the same if she was a with a man. cowardice behavior.

  5. Easy e

    Never thought new yorkers were like this. But i think people are rude everywhere.
    Your right about how men should treat women and be respectful. And i even agree with how women should turn a man down. Because things can go south fast for him and her.
    But good blog and keep them coming

  6. Easy e

    And at divinepearlz somebody really asked you if u had a abortion? As a pick up line lol.

    And alot of things happen because of misconception. Mean turn evil and be cursing and stuff when they get turned down cuz of the nature in the turn down. A ugly face, u know how yall look sometimes…..dat oh so u think u better than me. Oh im not in yo league. Or yall jus say smart stuff and in return we fire back.

    If a man comes at you wrong stop and give him a few tips in pick up lines 101. He may appreciate it. And you can still turn him down afterwards

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i don’t think its a woman’s burden to explain to a grown ass man how to treat people. especially one that she doesn’t know. it really boils down to common courtesy. thing is its not all that common.

  7. Jubilance

    This isn’t just NYC – I’ve had all those things happen to me as well. When I lived in Orlando, a chick was killed because she & her friends refused some dudes at the club & the men followed them & fired into their car.

    I really wish that saying “no” nicely worked – unfortunately with these super-aggressive men, you can say “no” 50 different times & they will just keep pestering you & becoming more aggressive until you say yes.

    Why do some men do that? I would really love to know where that comes from.

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      shooting chicks for not hollering at them? i hope they got caught and were punished to the full extent of the law. what kind of bullshit? 6_6

      i think men do it because they think persistence pays off but they don’t know thats not true in all cases. sometimes it makes you look like a stalker.

  8. Swiss

    It also depends on the type you woman your’re after. People do certain things because believe it or not, it has worked. Everyone (Nearly) has a mastered approach to women. Whether it be the AYE BITCH or Excuse me Miss approach, it has worked and remains the reason why they continue to do this.

  9. prettykeety

    I’ll admit, most guys who approach me are respectful. They’re kind, but the really cocky ones make me smile for all the wrong reasons :). But starting a conversation about anything BUT dating and building up to it is what I prefer. Ex: it’s football season and I’m a big Ole Miss fan, so you can discuss all things SEC with me. That way my guard is down & I can talk to you as an individual rather than a potential boo, know what I mean?

  10. d

    I have been approached in public and it panned out pretty favorably…. I think men should realize the kind of approach u get a woman with should clue u to the type of woman she is. Hell that really goes both ways. If a man can’t approach and treat u respectfully, will he ever? Its like when a dude gets at a girl because of his car, $ and possessions and is all shocked to find out she’s a gold digger. Or the chick that “takes someone elses man” and gets mad when he’s a cheater.

  11. I Am Your People

    I’ve lived in New Orleans and spent plenty of time in Brooklyn. No men are as aggressive as all 5 feet and 2 inches of men from NOLA. I mean, when a girl says no, is it necessary to follow her 2 blocks on the sidewalk ON YOUR MOTORCYCLE?? Oh, I’ve got more than my share of ignit stories…

  12. gemmieboo

    im sooo glad you mentioned interrupting–i cant tell you how many times a dude has been ALL IN MY FACE when i was on the phone. now i dont have a blue tooth and i only use my earpiece in the car, so these ninjas SEE me holding the phone to my face. the ish is mad rude and the fact that the ONLY reason im being interrupted is for him to try and holla, not something like “oh miss, you dropped something” or “excuse me, but your eye is coming out of its socket”. FOH!

    ugh!! see, tunde, now you got me fired up! LOL

  13. Norak_Siwel

    Well said Tunde. There’s nothing that irks me more than a rude approach by a male trying to holla! I really hate when they tell me to come here. LIke dude, you’re the one trying to talk to me, why the hell do I need to come to you?!!!

  14. Silent Scorpion

    I’m glad our conversation was able to inspire this post. As we noted previously the problem with these New York men, is that women are responsive to their blatantly disrespectful behavior. Women reinforce that nonsense and that’s something I can never understand nor will I attempt to.

    I like your tips. Especially if I’m on the phone…just take the L, unless your name is Dwight Howard, interrupting my conversation will only get you the 0_o.

  15. SeeOmara

    I have lived in NY for 2 years now and when I first came I was all bubbly and I used to always smile and speak to everyone…. Yeah that QUICKLY CHANGED. I straight walk around with a mug face. Smiling seems like an invitation for the following: random hugs, stalking, and grabbing.

    When I first moved to harlem, I believe the only thing that saved me from danger was living on a busy street. I was just about to walk into my building when some man grabbed me from behind talking about “let me help you with those bags, you pretty young thing and maybe we can talk sometime.” I was terrified and all I could do was elbow him, thankfully one of my neighbors punched him for me. Another recent incident (like 3 weeks) I was walking home and I was on the phone and some guy just came up to me and gave me some aggressive ass hug talking about “what you doing tonight lets hang out” Like who the hell does this??? I am convinced only ppl strung out on drugs because this whole let me touch her to get her attention or try to follow her into her building is so not whats up.

    Oh and they best of them was this dude who hangs out at the corner store by my school. the whole convo went like this:

    Dude: Hey Ma Good Morning
    Me: Good Morning have a nice day
    Dude : Can we talk
    Me: No I am no interested \
    Dude: Well Fuck you Black Bitch. I bet you Like that White dick anyways. Ole dumb ass bitch. You aint better than this black dick. You are one of those Black Bitches who likes white men. Fuck You and your Pu$$y

    Now ever since that day that same dude yells obscenities at me on my way to school… What did I ever do to him?? Oh that’s right I said good morning… -__-

    In conclusion: I mean mug. Smiling just causes problems -__-

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i think you just have bad luck with weirdos. all of that is really extreme. especially the last dude. what the hell is wrong with him? you should get a man to accompany you one time. see if he says anything to you then.

      i do feel for you though.

  16. JSin

    This post is on point. Not much to add, because you pretty much said everything that needed to be said. It all boils down to respect in my opinion. There are too many men who lack it and too many women who don’t require it.

      1. sunnydelyte21

        Indeed guys from NYC are aggressive. I went a few months back and I was walking with a guy… he wasn’t my man but we were in mid-conversation when some random dude grabs me and ask me how am I doing and was I single.

        I looked at him like he was crazy. He didn’t know if that was my man and he probably didn’t even care. I simply said I’m no interested and he was not taking that answer it took for the guy to say something for him to get it. LOL

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