Celibacy Blues

“This here celibacy thing…Lawd, just got something over me”

Its no secret to readers of this blog that I like sex (I have a sexy post coming soon). Today I wanted to delve into something sex related but sort of anti-sexy. The C-word. Yes that’s right celibacy. Even as much as I like sex I’ve tried to go toe to toe with celibacy. My fight lasted about as long as late 80’s Tyson fight. I don’t know if I would or could go the celibate route again. Perhaps under the ideal situation. I want to play a game [Jigsaw voice]. I’m going to present three short scenarios and y’all let me know if you would become celibate in order to be with that person. Oh and [guys] I don’t mean that faux celibacy where you make someone believe your not having sex when you’re getting it on the side.

Scenario A

Lets say you’ve had a thing for a wo/man for years. Things never worked out because circumstances were never right. You still really like them. I mean you really like them. It seems like your stars might have finally aligned. They hit you with the bombshell. They’ve been celibate for the last 5 years. They don’t plan on having sex again until they are married. This is someone you really like. Honestly, you weren’t thinking about sex with this person before the celibacy issue was brought up. Ok more realistically, you weren’t thinking about sex much. What do you do?

Scenario B

You’ve been with your significant other for 3 years. You’re now engaged. The wedding isn’t until a year later. They want to abstain from sex until you’re wedding night. You’ve already been fucking like rabbits. Do you respect their wishes or try to convince them to do otherwise?

Scenario C

Your girlfriend/boyfriend of 2 years comes to a spiritual epiphany. They now feel that fornication is wrong. Well they always thought it was wrong but now they are trying to live their lives more in accordance to God’s word. I mean they have their right to do what they want but you also have a right to leave them. I mean who’s going to be the douche and seem like you were only with a person because of their sex. That’s wrong? Isn’t it?

So of these three scenarios which are you most likely to agree to celibacy? None? All three? Have you ever considered celibacy?

**** I mean celibacy in the form of voluntarily abstaining from fucking. If you just can’t get any then that doesn’t count.****

Advertisements

84 thoughts on “Celibacy Blues

  1. Wu Young

    I can see Option A as feasible seeing how we haven’t been previously having sex. B & C just confuse me. B more than C. I understand the spiritual aspects but I don’t know if I could do it.

    ” Have you ever considered celibacy?”

    Hell no! Never crossed my mind.

    Reply
  2. ebony

    i would definitely try in all of those situations and most of the situations i have been the one who created the scenarios most times. Its truly a game I play with myself to see how strong my willpower is. Im pretty weak. Its like when you’re trying to be celibate, the temptation increases 3 fold. well at least for me it does.
    I honestly believe that it has gotten to a point where MY body knows what it needs. When I’m without, I get frustrated, snappy, emotional, and sometimes pimply.
    And yet I still try. I don’t know why because Im not getting a prize for it, but I still make the attempt. We’ll see how it goes this time.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      “I honestly believe that it has gotten to a point where MY body knows what it needs.”

      let me tell you how when i haven’t had sex in a while i get irritable and cranky. i just have a terrible outlook. i think its more of a psychological thing for me than a physical one though.

      Reply
  3. madscientist7 Post author

    realized i didn’t answer my own questions.

    i would most likely agree to celibacy in scenario b. this is the woman whom i’ve decided to spend the rest of my life with. what’s one more year? i’d respect her wishes.

    next i would agree to scenario a. i mean you can’t miss what you’ve never had right?

    now scenario c. i might chuck up the deuces. i’m ooooooout.

    oh yeah. the celibacy thing. i tried that. lasted all of a month. the only reason it lasted that long was because i was in a long distance relationship. lol

    Reply
  4. Satya

    I wouldn’t agree to A under any circumstances. I think you should know what kind of lover you’re going to spend your life with. What if they are a bad lover and are unwilling to learn?

    I could agree to B. We’ve already decided to spend the rest of our lives with each other, realized we share the same values, and are satisfied with each other sexually. I see nothing wrong with abstaining from sex during the engagement period. I think it would help us grow spiritually and emotionally.

    I’ve tried celibacy before and I wouldn’t try it again. I did it to test my will power; now that I know I can abstain I have nothing to prove anymore lol. I lasted one year and was too moody. I must admit it was my best year academically.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      ” I think you should know what kind of lover you’re going to spend your life with. What if they are a bad lover and are unwilling to learn?”

      well one could argue that just because you’re not having sex that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it. i’m pretty sure you can gauge whether they are willing to learn or not. or what their thresholds are. what they are willing to do and more importantly not do. that’s just me playing devil’s advocate though. i’m kind of a believer in test driving a car before you buy it.

      Reply
      1. gemmieboo

        this all sounds good in PRACTICE, but take it from me–this does NOT work out. ppl think their sex game is on point even when its HORRIBLE. maybe some one has been telling them lies all this time. but trust me when i tell you that its easy to be fooled by some one who seems very open sexually and “willing to learn” SMDH lawd dont get me started…

      2. madscientist7 Post author

        wow. tell em how you feel gem. see i’m an advocate of not lying. if i don’t tell you its great then you might as well take that as me thinking your performance was sub par. if i care enough about you then i may try to suggest things to make our experiences more pleasurable.

      3. gemmieboo

        yo, i TRIED to make it plain and explain what i like and dont like, and what works and what doesnt work. still poor performance more often than not. some ppl just cant adapt. ugh its the WORST!!! esp if you like them–you want them to get better. but they just dont. #tragic

  5. Lioness Rising

    Scenario A would be hard for me because one of the reasons I (and many people) enter a relationship is for the sexual intimacy and the added benefits of having that in a monogamous relationship. And to never be intimate with someone before marriage would also be hard. I’m guessing I would try but the relationship wouldn’t last long.

    Scenario B I want this Scenario when I get married, but not for 1 year, more like 3-6 months, nothing wrong with trying to gain some excitement for the wedding night. I would compromise at 8 months.

    Scenario C I actually know someone who had this very situation. Girl was starting to reconnect with God and wanted to stop having sex. Boy basically bounced, although that wasn’t the sole issue in their relationship. In the end girl realized that how he reacted to that issue validated her other reservations about him and the relationship.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      “In the end girl realized that how he reacted to that issue validated her other reservations about him and the relationship.”

      what reservations would those be? if they strictly had to do with the situation at hand then i don’t think she could be too mad. you can’t drastically change a dynamic of a relationship and feel some type of way for a person not wanting to put up with it. especially if you aren’t married.

      Reply
      1. Lioness Rising

        to clarify she didn’t want to be celibate until marraige, just stop having sex for that time to gain more clarity in the relationship and in her life. I think she felt he was shelfish in other areas and wasn’t as mature a she was. Not having sex was supposed to help her try and figure out if she really wanted to stay with him and to get back her faith with she had strayed from, I think.

  6. Dots

    Thought I’d delurk for a bit and comment.

    Like Wu Young said, Scenario A is a lot more feasible than the rest. Sexually driven as I am, if my guy were to tell me – after obliterating my back for THREE YEARS – that he wanted to abstain from sex until our wedding night (B), at first I’d overreact. I’d try to limit the overreaction to my mind though. I don’t want to blow up on him. He could be doing this for us. Just because we’re not having sex for a year doesn’t mean the world is over. The year we’re not sexually active, we can do so much more. Sure we’ve been sexing like rabbits for 3 years. Well now, we’re about to take a year break and probably get to know more about each other that was probably impossible unclothed & sweaty laying in carnal sin. After further thought, this scenario isn’t as bad as I thought. Now the last one (C), sounds like Scenario B without the engagement. No one knows where the relationship will go. It’s up to both individuals to figure out if the relationship is more than the sex. Depending on where we saw ourselves going in the next month or 6, somewhere in that time period, a lot of communicating about said “issue” can happen and moves can be made. That would probably be the one I couldn’t handle, if communication about it was a bust.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      thanks for commenting.

      “No one knows where the relationship will go.”

      i think that would be my biggest hangup. i could be celibate with hopes of one day marrying this woman. we could break up for other reasons and now i’ve gone ____ months/years with dry dick. no ma’am. not happening.

      Reply
  7. I Am Your People

    I pretty much AM scenario A. But after watching Kita on the TO Show, I’m worried I’ll end up in the non-husband situation she and TO have (she’s trying to be virtuous, but clearly needs a man in her life) Eh, I guess it’s better than being a cat lady. I guess….

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      not going to lie to you. there aren’t many dudes out there that would 100% agree to the celibacy thing with a woman. especially if he knows she’s had sex before. just putting that out there.

      Reply
      1. 48.

        🙂 that actually doesn’t sound harsh…rather, it seems like unnecessary personalization when it’s probably not about you.

      2. madscientist7 Post author

        see here’s the thing. human in general take a lot of things personal. its how we’re programmed. its how we’re raised. when someone’s opinion doesn’t align with our own we have a need to prove them wrong and us right. in essence we take a lot of things personal.

  8. Divinepearlz

    I have been celibate before but never made it past 1yr. Each time was for a different reason. I actually could see myself being celibate for each scenario. Sex is one of those teachable activities. In college I user to tell my then boyfriend that I wanted to be more spiritual. He was actually down but knew that my sexified ass was lying. As much as I love sex, the older I get the more I realize that it is overrated. I have so many other things to do.

    Reply
  9. Euphoric Ears

    I’d considering being celibate in all three scenarios. I’ve gone 2 years w/o having sex. It’s not that serious for me. In scenarios B and C, I’d definitely want to support my S.O. in their choice whether is be spiritual…or…*scratches head* I’m not really sure why Scenario B wants to be celibate, but hey…we’re about to get married so I’d support them.

    Reply
      1. Euphoric Ears

        It’s not. Its like an “outta sight, outta mind” kinda thing. Do I like sex? I love sex. When I’m getting it, I’m getting it. When I’m not…I’m not. And that’s okay too.

        It would be a challenge being w/ someone and not having sex…but I could do it.

    1. mab

      I was celibate for two years also,at the time it wasnt a big deal or difficult but would I do it again not too sure about that.

      Reply
  10. Keona

    I’ve abstained for well over a year. But it wasn’t so much as a choice to be celibate but moreso because I wasn’t in a relationship at the time. I’d do it again if I had to, and sometimes I try to (more along the lines of scenario C), but I have only gone as much as a few months at a time as of late.

    I don’t really see the point in scenario B. One year of celibacy won’t erase 3 years of sex. It’s kind of irrational, and I would try to convince my partner why it’s irrational and attempt to change his mind or at least shorten the length of time that they want to abstain. I’d hope my future husband would be willing to compromise with me.

    For scenario A, I’d maintain a casual dating relationship and continue to have sex with other people. If/when I decide to get serious, then I’d make an honest attempt at celibacy.

    For scenario C, if I beyond a doubt saw a future with that person, then yes, I’d abstain.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i knew this was going to be said but for some reason i expected it to be said by a man:

      “For scenario A, I’d maintain a casual dating relationship and continue to have sex with other people. If/when I decide to get serious, then I’d make an honest attempt at celibacy.”

      i’m glad a woman said it though.

      Reply
  11. chunk

    I am currently celibate and it’s an extreme struggle. Probably won’t last much longer because it negatively affects my mood.

    Anyway:

    I wouldn’t agree to A. I need to know if we click sexually before I marry you. There are certain things I could wait for (kinkiness, etc) but sex period, nah. BUT I would be willing to wait a while, like 3-6 months or at the very most 9 months for engagement or something.

    I could fall in line for scenario B, but not 1 year. 6 months I think I could do and would actually enjoy the building anticipation… much longer than that I think my mood would ruin the fun.

    Scenario C is a no. Mostly because those religious beliefs don’t line up with my own, and therefore we probably wouldn’t make it anyway… no need to prolong the end.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      “Scenario C is a no. Mostly because those religious beliefs don’t line up with my own, and therefore we probably wouldn’t make it anyway… no need to prolong the end.”

      that’s real. cant even be mad at it. blunt and direct.

      Reply
  12. chunk

    And then as soon as I leave here to check facebook, I get hit with the “On this day in 2010 your status was” thing. What was it?

    “Self respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” Abraham Joshua

    The universe smacks me every day lmao!

    Reply
  13. ellemarie360

    I would try Scenario B, that would be more realistic for me as I have already decided that this person is who I’m dedicating the rest of my life to. I’ve tried celibacy a couple times but my max was 6 months, I’m a sexual person, so, by 6 months I’m pretty much climbing the walls.

    Good Post.

    Reply
  14. MsEvaHoney

    I am celibate and have been going on 2 years. It is hard but I am choosing to wait until I am in a loving relationship.

    i would be okay with all 3, though the struggle would be real. I know how it feels when a S.O. does not respect your wishes. Not a good feeling and I would not do it to someone else at this stage in my life.

    Great post sir!

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      and here’s the hangup i would have with dating someone who has been celibate that long. there’s a reason you waited that long. if i’m the one who introduces sex back into your life then you raised expectations of me. not as far as sexually but emotionally and relationship wise. if things don’t work out i’m the asshole who makes you even more jaded towards sex.

      Reply
      1. CaliGirlED

        This right here is the truth! You must be careful being the one that a “celibate” person gives in to. The fallout of it not working is heavier than the ego stroke from being “the one”.

  15. BP

    I have experienced both B and C. Scenario B was a lot more difficult because our sex life was amazing and I yearned for it. We ended up not getting married but the clarity of not having sex was amazing. I think sex can muddle relationships especially if it is that good good. It is interesting that you wrote this post Tu because I just tweeted on Friday that I think celibacy is making me crazy. I am a very sexual person and am closing in on a year of being celibate. Sometimes, I just want to be able to express how I feel in a sexual way and I struggle with that. However, although I know abstinence isn’t for everyone it has allowed me to learn a lot more about myself. I have decided to remain chaste for several reasons and it really is a good look for me.

    Reply
  16. TreyCharles

    The problem with Scenario A is that it feels like a barter “if you marry me, I’ll have sex with” – that doesn’t work for me. The problem with Scenario B & C is that once the genie’s out of the bottle – it’s hard to put it back. At least Scenario B has an end game, I’d give it a try.

    Chances are I would be the asshole trying to convince girlie that one time won’t hurt anything

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      ” The problem with Scenario A is that it feels like a barter “if you marry me, I’ll have sex with” – that doesn’t work for me.”

      now that you mention it. i don’t like it either. using sex for reward or punishment doesn’t fly in my book.

      Reply
  17. Jubilance

    A & C I would be fine with. I’m annoyed by B tho – I must be a heathen cause I really don’t see the point of abstaining just because you’re now going to get married. For what? I’d really need them to explain the reasoning to me cause this one I just don’t get. Seems like a waste to me…

    Reply
      1. Jubilance

        Because there’s a reason there – they feel like they need to make a change for religious reasons. I can respect that. I can’t respect some arbitrary “let’s just not have sex even though we been fucking like rabbits just cause we finna get married”.

    1. BP

      When I was going to get married we decided to abstain because we wanted to make sure that sex wasn’t superseding our love for one another. Our sex life was very good but we both always felt guilty for having premarital relations. We ended up not getting married for other reasons but sex definitely gave us a false sense of “closeness”. I wouldn’t suggest this method to anyone. It was VERY frustrating….emphasis on the very.

      Reply
  18. Winning D'el Negro (@Inkognegro)

    One of the enduring dilemmas about all topics regarding Sex and Relationships is that they are VERY specific to the individual. Different strokes for Different Folks is the Gospel rule and there are no exceptions.

    Be honest with Folks about your Strokes and create an environnment where Folks can be honest with you.

    Run from people who are in the dark about their strokes.

    There. Advice for EVERYONE. You’re welcome.

    Reply
  19. SingLikeSassy

    I could get down with all these scenarios, with the only tricky one being C because I’m not religious, I am spiritual and I’d be concerned we weren’t equally yoked, as it were.

    Reply
  20. That Damn African

    My perspective on these scenarios is going to be a bit different since I’m a virgin and, I assume, not who this post was for. I’ll try to put myself in the shoes of a non-vigin though.

    Scenario A: I go for it. Again, I’m already a virgin who (for the most part) is waiting until marriage, so this isn’t a big deal at all. However, I assume that if I was sexually active that I’d still go for it because if I really really like her and get the chance to be with her, then why not? Sex is important, but finding the right person is more important IMO.

    Scenario B: (pretend I’m sexually active) It’s just one year. Doesn’t seem like it should be that big of a deal since it’s the person I’ve chosen to marry so I’d be “okay” with it. Although I would wonder why it became important to not have sex before marriage all of a sudden. Whether the reasons are spiritual or not, it would just seem weird to me at this point.

    Scenario C: (pretend I’m sexually active) This one is tough cause I think I would respect the hell out of her for coming to that epiphany. It’s a bit different from Scenario B because 1) your description emphasizes the fact that she had always thought what she was doing was wrong and finally decided to make a change for God. That’s not easy. 2) she probably knows that it could end her relationship to me since I haven’t made any grand gesture like proposing (sure, proposing doesn’t guarantee a marriage, but it’s a larger expression of commitment in our culture than the bf/gf title). Having said that, it depends on how much I love her. I’ve been with her for 2 years so at this point I’m either convinced I want to eventually marry her or I’m using her for sex & convenience. It’s one or the other. If it’s the former, then I stick it out. If it’s the latter, I chuck her the deuce.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      thanks for your perspective. i think if i were still a virgin i would undoubtedly be ok with all the scenarios. sometimes i wish i were still a virgin but those are only fleeting thoughts. i was a virgin way into my adulthood and the saying is true. you really don’t miss what you never had.

      Reply
      1. 0latoxic

        Saw the link to your blog from your guest post on VSB today and decided to check it out once I saw your very Nigerian name. This post jumped out at me so I thought I’d give it a closer look.

        I cosign That Damn African’s entire comment. Was gonn leave a comment similar to his but I guess he’s said it all. I’m more likely to be the one advocating for the scenarios you painted than the one kicking against them. And if I were to put myself in the other shoes, TDA ‘s comment would be it…

        My views on the issue of celibacy are more clearly expressed here http://olatoxic.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/losing-my-virginity/ Feedback would certainly be appreciated.

  21. Shawn Soze (@ShawnSoze)

    Celibacy is one of those things where you are either 100% committed to it or you aren’t. Deciding to switch up midstr- um, midstream is recipe for pissing someone off. A belief system change that drastic would require a pause button.

    Scenario A- If I’ve had a thing for somebody for years, there was a sexual component to it.

    Scenario B – As our friend over on the other blog would say, I’m going have to call bullshiggity.

    Scenario C – A sin is a sin is a sin.

    Just my two cents.

    Reply
  22. Alexius

    Whew… Where to start. The celibacy thing is a battle I had that lasted… Well, we won’t go there. I think I could deal with the last scenario, given there is no ulterior motive. Generally, when you are serious with a person, you tend to grow together, including spiritually. So, its safe to say that the two of you are on the same page. Now as far as the ulterior motive, some people don’t have the audacity to really speak their mind. So that just may be an excuse to thwart what they actually just don’t enjoy. A spiritual epiphany doesn’t just pop up between two people that are together on that level. So if it were something I saw coming, chances are, we were just about thinking the same thing, and I would roll with it, as much as I enjoy sex…

    Reply
      1. Alexius

        Different religion is feasible, but different god poses more problems than just sex. At that point, you have to think about if you are just in that relationship for fun, our if it is going somewhere. If its for fun, which is pointless after a certain age, then you may as well end it if sex is important to you. Whereas, if you see a future, then there are more important things than sex, such as an accordance with how you will be married.

  23. mab

    I wrote above that I was once celibate for two years so there is a lot that I can withstand and take. Thus Scenario A can attempt, but scenario B just doesn’t make much sense to me. Scenario C I could understand. But with me being the sexual person that I am despite having been celibate before its really all or nothing.

    Reply
  24. max

    I would agree to celibacy in all three scenarios. I don’t mind celibacy for a purpose; I just hate it when it’s imposed on me against my will.

    Reply
    1. Keona

      “I just hate it when it’s imposed on me against my will.”

      I feel you Max. Nothing worse than being an attractive black female who can’t get it when she wants it.

      Reply
  25. Larry

    “**** I mean celibacy in the form of voluntarily abstaining from fucking. If you just can’t get any then that doesn’t count.****”

    *Tears* Lol!! That is all.

    Oh, and I guess regarding the topic at hand I did a pseudo-B before, I guess. We were dating, but not exclusive yet and she made it clear she only has chex with a boyfriend. After 3 months we made it official, but there was no action going on beforehand…and I didn’t have casual relations on the side either during which…but I’m pretty sure that was by accident. *shrugs*

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      maybe i’m an asshole. but ummm i would REALLY have to be in to her for me to agree to some bullshit timeline or “i only have sex with guys that are my boyfriend”

      and its not that i’m only after sex either. i just don’t like flawed logic. so because i’m your boyfriend that makes us having sex ok? that’s gonna stop me from hurting you? we could have no title so to speak of and everything could go wonderful. but i guess because steve harvey said wait 90 days then it must work.

      Reply
      1. chunk

        Really? I think that’s so basic… I’ve used this line before: “We will be ready to have sex with each other when we no longer wish to have sex with any other.” I don’t always do it, but if I really like the person, I will definitely abstain (from everyone) for a while to see where it’s going… otherwise you’re saying you have to be FWB before you can be girlfriend?

  26. gemmieboo

    as a person who is constantly struggling with her sexuality (in the “to have or not to have” sense), i could def see myself agreeing to B and C. hell, im usually the one advocating for some period of abstinence–since i think sex can many times over shadow and often times cover up other aspects of a relationship. its easy to just climb in bed and work out your frustrations through sex rather than deal with the real emotional issues ppl may be having. with my last ex, we had a GREAT relationship on many levels. but i think sex just got in the way of us putting priority on building a firm foundation, which eventually crumbled at the first sight of trouble (looking back i honestly think we could have worked through it had we focused out energies differently).

    now scenario A?? iont think i can do it. having been with some one who i had very little sexual chemistry with, not knowing how a brotha can handle himself in the sack is a HUGE risk. as i mentioned up thread, despite talking about sex and the willingness to pleasure and do what it takes to “get it in” even WHEN we were having sex, ish never got better. 2 outta 10 times of decent to good sex is NOT a good ratio!!!!!! i would just rather not take my chances on some one ive never slept with. i want to respect a person’s wishes to be celibate, i can certainly understand the desire to do so, but i just dont want to end up with a dude who is whack and not compatible with me sexually. and this is coming from some one who lost her virginity at 22 bcuz she wanted to wait til marriage!!! omg despite my long lasting struggle with sexuality and my faith, im so glad i broke the seal, seriously.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      just like i told That Damn African, you don’t know what you’re missing until you’ve had it. like you i lost my virginity in my 20s and i never looked back. not mad at it at all.

      also, in scenario A i think more men would be willing to deal with a woman they’ve never had sex with versus the opposite. even though both men and women can have bad sex, a woman can just lay there and some men will put up with it (not me though).

      Reply
    2. nowsayitwithme

      “not knowing how a brotha can handle himself in the sack is a HUGE risk..”

      The fear of a lot of, if not all, women. I mean, you can love a lot about a person but if the sexual compatibility on a scale of 1 to 10 can be rounded back to 0, it becomes difficult… But who else is going to admit that?

      Reply
  27. JSin

    If I cared for her, I would definitely be willing to remain celibate with her, in all three of those scenarios. That’s just how committed I would be to her. Especially, if we are in love and planning to get married. Waiting to have sex with her would be the least I could do. If we’ve already had sex together I think that I would have even less of a problem with waiting. The reason is because we already shared that intimate connection and know what to expect from one another sexually.

    With that being said, I wouldn’t marry a woman if I hadn’t had sex with her first. That’s a must for me. I know in some of those scenarios that wasn’t the case. So, I suppose I would do some kind of talking to make that happen and then once I knew what I was getting myself into I could go from there and then we could wait.

    Great post. Very thought provoking.

    Reply
  28. mizzcam

    Well, I’m certainly tardy to the party, so I’ll try not to repeat too much of what was already said.
    I swear, it seems like Lala and me are >>here<< on almost everything. I could go for all 3 scenarios, because sex isn't all that important to me. Not that I don't enjoy sex, but I definitely wouldn't want to be in a relationship based entirely around it. I tend not to have sex unless I'm dating someone. At this point, I've been celibate for a year – but without that last sexual encounter, it would've been going on 3 years I believe… Out of sight, out of mind, for sure.
    In scenario 2, I may even suggest that myself, but maybe like 6 months.
    In scenario 3, I'd be fine with the celibacy, but I may have to leave the relationship anyway if I felt that we were no longer compatible with our spirituality. I would respect them for what they were doing, but if I wasn't ready to do the same, I don't know how that may effect us.

    *But I can see what Gem is saying and I don't necessarily blame her. I would hate to marry someone and then find out I had a lifetime of bad sex to look forward to.

    Reply
  29. keishabrown

    great song to kick off the post! lawd…..
    anywho..

    scenario a – this is tough because based on those who are in their celibacy journeys or attempted them previously, 1-2 years is hard.. 5 years is HALF AN EFFEN decade. honestly, i know very few things i could dedicate myself to (besides earning my degree), consistently for HALF A DECADE. like most everyone else said – i dont know if i could marry someone without knowing i’d be happy with them for the rest of my life. and like it or not, physical attraction/compatibility IS important. if it wasn’t…guess who would be married right now (*points at self)

    scenario b – there are a few old fashioned traditions i could see myself engaging in, and this is one of them. no rhyme or reason, and don’t know about a year – but i love the idea of it.

    scenario c – this one was the hardest, because i’d like to think if im in a relationship with someone, esp for 2 years, at some point spirituality has come up. and if they are on a serious walk with God, or at least contemplating one – this shouldn’t be a surprise. there is a lack of communication here and celibacy is only 1 of the issues.

    great post!!!

    Reply
  30. Pingback: The Dating Game « The Native Son

  31. Mishalily

    I know this post is ‘old’ but I’ll post anyway…

    I would still pursue Option A because I would \ want to be sure they meant it haha. What if 2 weeks after walking away, they changed their mind?! That would drive me crazy.

    As for Option B, I would be down. I think that could be really hot… And while no intercourse is one thing, we can find other ways to get busy. It could lead to whole year of new and exciting s&xual exploits.

    Option C, ‘ugh’. I would try really, really hard to NOT roll my eyes while this ninja said this stupid crap. Honestly, chex is a part of the contract and you can’t just pull out of the agreement like that.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s