“Yea but it was a general response I guess. I personally can’t date two people at the same time. Stupid, I know.” Pretty Keety
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Pull up a chair. Let’s have a little discussion shall we.
This was a comment that I received on my last post, Celibacy Blues. After reading that response it reminded me of a post that I meant to write a while back but I never did because I could never figure out how to tackle the subject. Its not new to any of y’all that black women bear the brunt of social and news media’s attempts to document the “dispair” of black marriage. All you have to do is click on a number of blog links, turn on your television or buy the latest urban magazine. Some of these outlets attempt to offer solutions to this “problem”. The one that sticks out the most to me is that black women should start seriously consider dating outside their race. I mean if it works for you then by all means go right ahead. I have a more practical solution. Try dating more than one man at a time. I’ll tell you the benefits of this solution a little later.
This brings me to the quote above. Black women in general don’t really approve of dating more than man a time . It seems like a lot of times a woman will meet a man she really likes and instead of exploring all of her options she invests all of her emotions into that one man. Doesn’t matter if another guy is also feeling her. She puts all her eggs in her proverbial basket. When things don’t work out between her and that guy she’s left wondering how she got to this point.
I think black women were raised to believe that “good” girls only entertain one man at a time. I’m here to tell you that just because you’re dating a man it doesn’t mean you have to be fucking him. Hell date as many men as your schedule permits. Date seven men. None of them have to know what you look like naked. If you like one man more than the next then see him a little more often. You’re not in a committed relationship. You’re dating. So date.
You want to compare other races’ relationships with ours fine. White people date for fun. They find someone they are really compatible with then they slow down and start weening others off until eventually they are only seeing that person. Its a process. I think a lot of times black women put the cart before the horse. We go on three dates, we have sex and now you want us to be together exclusively. Maybe its me but that seems a little backwards.
Dating and taking your time while seeing other potential suitors allows you perspective. You’re not seeing a person too much. You’re not consumed with them. It allows you to spread your focus on more than one man. Why is this important? Because more than likely that man you’ve been fawning over isn’t limiting his options so why should you? Matter of fact he might even step up his game if he finds out he’s not your only option. Late for a date? Bet he’ll think twice if he believes someone might be there to take his place.
Don’t really know how I should end this but just promise me you’ll think about our little chat will you?
1. According to my friend black women in Los Angeles date. She was shocked when I told her that generally women in other regions aren’t as forward thinking.