This past weekend I had the most frustrating 5 minute conversation possible with my father. It went from him asking me about my new job to the possibility of me taking a job in Nigeria (as if that would ever happen) to him asking me about my ex-girlfriend [from 2006]. At first I was perplexed as to why he would ask me something about a woman whom I don’t ever think about but it soon became apparent. The next words out of my father’s mouth were “So when are you going to settle down.” All I could think was “Here we go again.”
A couple of weeks ago I participated in the wedding of a high school and college friend. The picture at the beginning of this post is of all the groomsmen and was taken at the reception. I’ve known all these guys since high school. After the wedding and before I headed back to New York my mother took her opportunity to remind me that my friend who got married is younger than me (only by 2 months) and I’m not getting any younger. So that makes both of my parents corroborating within weeks of each other. It was purely coincidence as they don’t speak.
A popular misconception is that men don’t think about marriage until they are ready to settle down and then they usually marry the woman whom closest fits what they want in a wife. Another fallacy that is often taken for truth is that women think about marriage from the time their little girls and all they need is play fill in the groom. In this post I want to discuss the former falsehood. I’ll do this buy using myself as a microcosm for exception rather than the rule [We all know arguing for the rule isn’t any fun].
I think about marriage a lot. Last week I asked twitter if they believed men got wedding [or marriage] fever. Responses were varied but do I wonder if I’ve already met my wife. I ponder what our life will be like, how many children we’ll have and if they’ll look like me, like her or a perfect blend of the two of us. I mull over the possibility if I have a son will he be into sports like I am or into science. Will I spoil my daughter like I imagine I would? Am I going to adopt at least one child like I’ve always wanted to? Since my parent’s marriage was far from the Huxtables, will our marriage be some something that my future children will strive to achieve? These are things that I deliberate and puzzle over.
I really find it hard to believe that I’m the only man who thinks of such things. I truly believe that men in the grand scheme of things want commitment, stability and even marriage. Men [in general] are creatures of logic. In that we fear settling down with the wrong woman. I know there are at least 5 women reading this right now using their woman logic to try to punch holes in what I just said. Don’t try to understand it, just accept it.
If a man doesn’t or hasn’t committed to you, it might not be that he’s against commitment or marriage. He might be against those things with you. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or may eventually reach that point. That’s the point I was trying to make this morning with a twitter follower who shall remain nameless (@KatWebb84).
@BrazenlyVirile Oh ok, well kudos, then. Feel free to tweet back where marriage-minded dudes in the city hang. Help a sista out! LOL!
Just because a man is marriage minded doesn’t mean he necessarily wants to be married to you.