I’m back with another question.
Interestingly I was just having this conversation the other night with a friend and a reader asked me the exact same question in the comments section of my last post. This was the question posed to me:
Do you look forward to having a wife more? Or to having children? In your post, it came across like you thought more about what your relationship with your children would be like, as opposed to your wife. I see this with a lot of people my age, black people in particular.- blackgirlmd
As always before I let you know what I think I’m going to delve into this a bit further. Before I do I want to say that I don’t think there is a wrong or right answer. I do think that based on personal experiences and your outlook on life may affect how which one you would rather have.
These are a couple of the responses I received when I asked my followers.
Personally I would unequivocally be a husband over a father. Ideally I want both but if I had to choose I would be a husband. My logic is that there are ordered steps. You meet a woman, you fall in love, get married, have children and those children have children. Call it old fashioned but I don’t want to have children out of wedlock. The way I see it your children will eventually leave you and start their own families [as they should]. You raise your children but you eventually have to let them go to live their own lives.
Now marriage is [supposed to be] for life.
I’m getting married once. When I do I’m going to make it count. “….til death do us part” is going to be real round these parts. Obviously I’m not married now and I don’t know what the future may hold. Right now I can naively say that the only thing that could guarantee I would seek divorce is abuse. Whether it be physical, sexual or emotional.
So the argument of “I’d rather be a parent than a spouse because my kids won’t leave me” doesn’t really apply to me. Besides if you go into a marriage skeptical then your perception will become reality and you’re doomed from the start. I think one of my good friend put it best when she said:
Most people don’t have faith in relationships mostly due to poor examples and poor decisions. In our community we see more examples of stability through kids,ie “they will love us forever,they need us,wont leave,etc,etc,” – Corrin31
I love the Lord and I want a faith-based marriage so that also drives my belief in wanting a wife before a child:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.- Genesis 2:24
So I’ll the same question here.
If you had to choose one which would you rather be. A husband/wife or a parent?