You know we keep that white girl, Christina Aguilera…

“Jim Crow laws also soon appeared, starting with the railroads. The Saluda newspaper felt they were an urgent necessity. “Give the negro justice, but for decency’s sake protect delicately constituted white ladies from contamination by being thrown in company with an inferior race,” it said. “Keep the air of our palace cars … from being polluted by the odor africanus– an element inseparable from the negro’s presence.”

People find it surprising when I tell them I’ve never dated a white woman. And besides that one road trip, I’ve never seen a white woman naked; but we all know that if it doesn’t happen in the state you live in then it doesn’t count. When I break it down to them they start to get a clearer picture into how this came to be. Allow me to set the backdrop.

I grew up in a predominantly black inner city neighborhood. My high school was approximately 95% African-American. I attended a HBCU for my undergraduate as well as my graduate training so its safe to say that its not as if I’ve been exposed to even a bushel of Anglo-Saxon women. That being said getting on an elevator at work and watching a woman clutch her purse tighter, even though I have an ID badge that clearly says Dr. Tunde A___________, bothers me. I don’t have experience working with other races this closely.

Even if I were interested in White women my conscious wouldn’t allow me to pursue one. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a fan of history, all history but mainly African/African-American history so allow me to give you a history lesson.

The quote at the beginning of this post is taken from a county newspaper in South Carolina in the mid 1890s. The use of violence to end Reconstruction in the South and the eventual implementation of Jim Crow in its place was the result of two needs of Whites during that era.

  1. The need for white men re-establish supremacy over what they considered an inferior race.
  2. To protect the innocence and chastity of white women everywhere.

In regards to the second reason, white men viewed black men as sex crazed beasts that were incapable of controlling their sexual urges. Never mind the fact that the number of black men who raped white women during slavery (probably close to zero) paled in comparison to the number of white men who raped black women slaves; delicate white women had to be saved from black savages. Because you know God-forbid mixed children be born out of that union.

Imagine the fear of White fathers during the modern Civil Rights era that had to imagine their white daughters sitting in class next to black boys. I imagine that if public schools were integrated with only Black girls and not boys the opposition might not have been so great. There would have still been opposition. Embracing an ideal of racism and domination doesn’t readily allow one to distinguish between a subset (man or woman) of a group you feel superior to.

Knowing what I know about how black men were viewed, especially when it came to white woman I can take two courses of action when it comes to them. Choose to spit in the face of age-old fears and contempt from white men at the thought of black men with white women or realize that despite everything we’ve been through I still prefer Black women to all others. I’m going with the latter.

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23 thoughts on “You know we keep that white girl, Christina Aguilera…

  1. Corrin

    Good post pc! It was in fact this notion that black men were uncontrollable savages that led to many things in society…..one of which was the outlawing of drugs such as cocaine. Not that I think cocaine should be legal,but when I read about the history it was funny to me that it was made illegal because white bosses were giving it to their black employees to make them work faster and longer,but found that it made the “workers” crazed and uncontrollable. This wildness was thought to lead to an increase in these “uncivilized” men attacking precious wholesome white women! The history channel did a doc on it!

    Reply
  2. @Clay_57

    IR couples don’t even get an eyebrow raise from me anymore. I guess because I’ve got more important things on my mind like paying the mortgage, what am I cooking for dinner that night or which shirt/tie combo will I wear to work the next day.
    I grew up in a predominantly White area in Upstate NY and received my education in Racism 101 quite early. Oddly enough during my HS years while attending a pretty evenly mixed school, IR couples were the norm and anyone who objected was immediately scorned and read the riot act by both White and Black girls. I’ve since reconnected with alot of my old classmates on FB and a great number of them have either married a partner of another race or have at least one biracial child.
    Since MLK Day is still fresh on most people’s minds I often wonder what he’d think of people both Black and White who still choose to self segregate themselves and are too frightened to cross color lines for friendships or love.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      here’s the thing. i’m not in anyway denouncing or looking down on interracial relationships. i understand people have different upbringings and backgrounds. i’m speaking on my personal preference and how i choose to look at things. honestly i have no problems making friends with people of other races. would i go out of my way? nope. why? because i’m relate more to black people plain and simple. as far as mlk is concerned he married a black woman if i’m not mistaken so as far as love i don’t think he crossed any color lines. if you want to date outside your race that’s all fine and dandy. me? i choose not to. strictly a personal preference.

      Reply
  3. ellemarie360

    First, thanks for this. It’s very refreshing to hear a black man state his reasons in an intelligent manner as to why he prefers a black woman. I don’t knock IR dating, grown people can do what they please, however, knowing the history of our people and how we were/are looked upon as hyper sexualized beasts, it’s a little harder a pill for me to swallow. Great post…again, as a black woman, I thank you.

    Reply
  4. Lioness Rising

    I would like to meet you one day, you’re interesting. Your sentiment is totally opposite than most of the black men I’m surrounded by. I went to an elite boarding school and college where I was a “black pea in white rice”. Most black guys were surrounded by white girls from HS and had been conditioned to favor them. I’m okay with that because I think that us black women in the same situation were more open to white men as well. I think that a good point to pick out of your post is to not compromise yourself in the process. In HS I saw one boy put up with his gf’s racist family and friends for a long time. We all knew the stuff said about him and yet (from the outside) at least he never stood up for himself. If he knew his history he wouldn’t let it go down like that. She eventually ended it because of so much pressure from her fam, friends, etc.
    If you don’t want to date WW that’s fine, although if a black woman made a similar post based on the history of sexual abuse and expliotation by white men, I wonder what the comments would look like.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i guess in this instance i really am a product of my environment. if that’s all i know, i think i’m going to believe that black is indeed beautiful despite what popular culture would have me believe. honestly i’m glad i was able to grow up in an atmosphere that perpetuated my current beliefs.

      as far as your thought at the end i’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be taken so well. matter of fact i’m almost positive that quite a few people side-eyed this post.

      Reply
  5. chunk

    I couldn’t agree more. I have been going back & forth in my head lately about whether I can eventually bring myself around to IR dating. I have been pro black love my entire life. Now, coming from Nebraska, obviously I’ve seen tons of interracial dating, so sure, it’s normalized to me & I’m definitely a proponent of “find love wherever you can, good people are good people” yada yada yada.

    Ahem. However. Black love is also a revolutionary, political act. I very consciously choose to stick to black men. One, I am solely, unwaveringly, unapologetically, attracted to black men. And two, when I think about just how badly this country has been for people like my fathers, brother, uncles, homeboys… I think “if we [black women] don’t love them, who the eff will?!”

    Even when I’ve said “I’m gonna try to be open” I never actually quite make it. The day before yesterday I read a blog post about why black women should give white men a chance… I was gung ho because frankly I’m not having the best luck with black men lately, but I got half way through the post and my stomach turned. (I’ll have to write about that)

    So, like you, I’ve never dated a white [man]. Actually, any man other than a black man.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      knowing what i know of nebraska i’m surprised that you don’t feel the opposite. my friend got her pharmacy degree at the med school in nebraska and she hated it as far as dating was concerned. i’m not knocking the whole “try something new, date white men” movement i see springing up because most likely the women that are shouting it the loudest aren’t typically the women i would go for anyway. i think that’s the same attitude that black women who get mad at black men who date white women should have.

      Reply
      1. chunk

        Yep, my attitude is, I want someone who wants black women.

        I think you’d be very surprised about the identity of black folks in Nebraska. It’s not what people expect. I don’t know any black women in my hometown who are dating white men… so I’d say my attitude toward it is pretty common… but I know plenty of black men who are/have dated white women.

        When you consider this line: “when I think about just how badly this country has been for people like my fathers, brother, uncles, homeboys” and put in the context of what it must be like in a very red [and ironically, red summer] state for black men, you shouldn’t be surprised by my undying love- there’s a lot of love needed, lol! Sigh.

  6. gemmieboo

    wow. ive never heard anyone use this argument of slavery and the white male hatred towards black male masculinity/sexuality as to why they wouldn’t date white women.

    you’re a very interesting man, tunde. i very much enjoy reading about your thoughts on the world. thanks for sharing 🙂

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      yeah i think there’s two sides to that coin. just like a boy who witnesses his father beat his mother. most people would think he will grow up and repeat the cycle of abuse and batter the women in his life. but the opposite could happen. he could very well become hypersensitive to the protection of womanhood.

      and thank you for the compliment. 🙂

      Reply
  7. CaliGirlED

    This is a great post! And it’s definitely nice to see a Black man stand up for Black women. What’s funny to me (and by funny I mean that sh*t ain’t hardly funny), is this phrase, “delicate white women had to be saved from black savages”. I went to school from junior high to college with every nationality you can name. These “delicate white women” are the freakiest, nastiest, drug and sex crazed women of us all! Perhaps because as a race and gender they were oppressed for so long that when they finally (in the 60’s) were able to release their sexual tension, they erupted like volcanoes? Just a thought.

    Anywho, as stated above racial diversity is a normalcy for me, however, my love for men remains biased toward my *cues in Angie Stone* Black brotha, strong brotha, there is no one above ya.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      that’s an interesting theory. you would think during the women’s liberation movement of the 1920s and the addition of the 19th amendment to the constitution that women were actually liberated. nope sure wasn’t the case. i’ve heard cases of white girls who acted like the girls you went to school with.

      Reply
  8. Abbs

    Saddened to be reminded of all the abuse during slavery (sadder to be a product of one of those abusive relationships) but fantastic to hear you recognize it. The only thing that would have been better is a little recognition of how black women were unreasonably portrayed as sex crazied hussies (as well) who created their own abuse – sexual, physical and mental, at the hands of the masters and were forced to watch their own children sold of & cared for the motherless kids brought to the plantations without reservations…what I’m getting at is that you don’t just love us out of spite but also for our generational strength, right?

    Reply
  9. Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

    I were actually back on the market I have no problem considering dating a white or anyother kind woman but we would have to have a few come to Jesus talks about why. It’s only fair to the both of us to be honest as to why we’re nailing each other. If it’s anything other love it wouldn’t work. The idea of being viewed as knuckle dragging sex machine isn’t remotely cool with me.

    As for my surrounding growing up it was ultra-black and ultra-rural.(10,000 people in the entire county.) It was always weird that there was always a few IR couples in town and no one batted an eye. So I guess that somewhat defined how I view it. Fast foward to a few years ago and my oldest sister married a white Puerto Rican cat and he slid instantly into the fam with no problem. (They hasn’t been any comments made about him within earshot of me. So I haven’t had to curse anyone out yet.)

    In all folks have to chose what they feel that they want.

    Reply
  10. I Am Your People

    Wow. This is deep. The schools I went to were probably about 60% white, 20% Asian and 20% Black, but I went to an HBCU. I’m pretty determined to marry a Black man, since I feel like a Black man will be most supportive of an educated Black woman. I’m a little suspicious of white guys sometimes – do you REALLY want to be with me, or do you want to try the whole ‘black girl thing?’ My 2cs

    Reply
  11. M-Dolla

    Oh wow! This post sounds like my husband on his soapbox. He has never dated outside his race for these exact same reasons.

    Reply
  12. phoebeprunelle

    I’m like a year late to this (well, almost anyways)…i think it’s cool and all that you openly proclaim you don’t date white women–as long as that’s how you truly feel–and not because of all these barriers. I think i would rather hear black people say the reason why i don’t seek intimacy outside other blacks is beacuse dammit i want to build strong, resilient black nations/communities.. or that i love blackness (as a culture) and all of the things that come with it…rarely on the black blogsphere do i read this.

    Anyway…what black people have to understand is that IRRs do little to nothing to eradicate white racism–in fact it can often times serve as a vehicle for such hostility to be directed towards the black person involved opposite gender. Not in all cases, but in many. I am not saying it is wrong for black people to be intimate with whites (before someone accuses me of this), i’m not in the business of discouraging black people from IRRs, however, black people need to be made aware that even their white lovers are going to harbor racist thoughts and ideas simply because ALL whites have to confront their racism–which in many ways they won’t because the white racist system is in place to protect the integrity of their gene pool.

    Reply

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