If hoes win are you a victor?

Today is the day the world stood still.

Wiz Khalifa proposed to Amber Rose and twitter went nuts. There were the usual factions. People who discussed the size and quality of the ring. #TeamVS vs #TeamVVS. You also had a subset of people who wanted to compare Wiz to Kanye. Ironically none of these bothered me as much as the all too familiar “Hoes be winning” tweets I saw coming across my timeline. Why does this bother me?

Every time a woman who has a questionable sexual background ends up married the peanut gallery scrutinizes said woman as if she’s not entitled to ever being loved by a man. I’m not saying I would knowingly wife a woman with a questionable background but I wouldn’t necessarily condemn someone else to a life of loneliness.

Why doesn’t she deserve love? What exactly is a hoe? And how exactly is she winning?

I know one thing. I plan on getting married one day. I’m pretty sure I’ll feel like the luckiest man alive and I’ll be lucky to have her. But guess what? She’ll be winning as well. And therein lies the issue with stating that “hoes be winning”. It implies that everyone who isn’t a hoe is losing. I know I don’t plan on marrying a hoe so there are major flaws with that assessment. This also causes me to question the motive behind women who make such allegations. You can’t be envious of hoes can you? Well stranger things have happened and I know no one that reads my blog or follows me on twitter could ever possibly be jealous of hoes. (/sarcasm)

For a woman to claim that hoes win lets me know insecurity in fact runs rampant. This isn’t a groundbreaking revelation but it shouldn’t go without saying. A lot of people try to live their lives so they won’t be judged harshly for how they behave. When someone steps outside of that box of conformity (say by stripping or making a sex tape) they should be branded with a scarlet letter. Don’t be so quick to condemn others because you’re unhappy with your situation.

The question you have to ask yourself is if hoes are really winning out in these streets, is that really what you want? If yes, then by all means go ahead and be a hoe. If not then why do you care? I guess at the end of the day that’s what I want to know. Why do you care?


21 thoughts on “If hoes win are you a victor?

  1. The Suburban Thug

    Tell ’em how you really feel! Seriously though, I feel what you are saying. I know married folks that still have that kind of attitude. It’s a wierd parallel to the “crab in the barrel” mentality. Folks want to throw shade to people with somewhat questionable moral compasses, and do not want to see these same people do better. The ish is really just sad.

  2. Jay_D

    I just wanted to commend you on a well written post. I must be seriously involved trying to ace these midterms ’cause I had no idea Wiz and Amber (as if were on a first name basis) were engaged but thanks for sharing your insight.


  3. angelzingodwetrust

    I was happy for THEM, but maybe that’s becuase I thought they already had gotten secretly married too. meh I really could care less. I just liked the title of your article and saw the hype around the blogs. Good for them…a happy couple! This is all entertainment for me; since they don’t really affect my life at all! lol

  4. I Am Your People

    I honestly didn’t get the hate on Amber Rose for being engaged to Wiz. I think he looks like a deep-fried cockroach and that she’s not winning – she’s taking one for the team. My 2cs

  5. Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

    Was that what the “hoes be winning” rants were about? Amber Rose and her mangy homeboy?!?! I’m glad I didn’t ask. Why do they care? Do they care when the average neighborhood hoe gets married or is this more celeb fucking? Or is this a case of deflecftion covering up some self-esteem issues? Amber’s wins have nothing to do with theirs.

  6. Jubilance

    A lot of women are quick to call another woman a “hoe” because they are trying to increase their chances of being chosen. Their rationale is, “If I point out to men how undesirable that woman is (or should be) then my own chances of being chosen will increase”. Flawed thinking if you ask me.

    I also think part of the issue is that a lot of women were beaten over the head with this ideology of what “good girls” do. They believed in it & did all the stuff they were told to do…and they sit at home alone. And their pissed cause they see the “bad girls” with the things they want or feel that they should have – a husband, family, etc.

    1. Mo (@MonnaAchy)

      A lot of women are quick to call another woman a “hoe” because they are trying to increase their chances of being chosen. Their rationale is, “If I point out to men how undesirable that woman is (or should be) then my own chances of being chosen will increase”. <— This. RIght. Here.
      I was under a rock yesterday, missed they got engaged. Great post.

  7. nowsayitwithme

    Let the church say Amen. I was actually very happy to see that despite what the media and everyone & their mama had to say, Wiz & Amber are engaged. I mean, everyone does deserve to be happy. Who should give a fuck about the other’s background but the one they’re with? It kills me that people have so much negative shit to say about them. Like, no one comes to your day job and pisses in your coffee. Calm that sh!t down.

    And what Jubilance said!
    “A lot of women are quick to call another woman a “hoe” because they are trying to increase their chances of being chosen. Their rationale is, “If I point out to men how undesirable that woman is (or should be) then my own chances of being chosen will increase”. Flawed thinking if you ask me.” Amen amen up in this biatcho.

    Good work Tree 🙂

  8. Lioness Rising

    I use the expression “hoes stay winning” as a joke, never though about who I thought was losing…

    I have a friend who has a seriously questionable sexual past. She met the right guy and changed her ways. Now they are talking marriage. When I realized she was in that serious a relationship my first thought was “wait, but..”. Mind you I don’t think her BF knows about her past.

    But the main point is that there is someone out there for everyone. So if you have a heux decade or are a good girl from the start, we are all going to find that 1 person for us someday…

  9. gemmieboo

    good post. i had this rant awhile ago (i believe a VSB post on Kim K’s divorce sparked it). im in complete agreement with you. ive always loathed the statement “hoes be winning” because its not something ive ever thought, or identified with. i dont really concern myself with what others – esp those i dont know or even like – have any way.

    while i desire to be married – i dont hate on anyone who gets there before i do. any ol body can get married, and not all marriages are blessed. i dont see the big fuss over Amber or even Kim K (when that was news) getting a ring. good for them. but i wouldnt trade places with them for anything in the world. *shrug*

    as a non-ho, im winning. so thats that.

  10. Muze

    ^^ what Gemmie said.

    i don’t get the hate. i don’t see how hoes are winning or not, and don’t really care. i’m happy for two people who find love. hope they can make it last. her getting engaged has diddly doo to do with me winning or losing. i just really don’t understand the correlation.

    and i am making tshirts that state “as a non-ho, i’m winning” LOL.

  11. Brownbelle

    Agreed. I’ll admit I used to be one of those who majorly side-eyed “hoes”. But you know what, I grew up & realized that what other people choose to do with their bodies has nothing to do with me. I’m engaged and that seems to bring all the single folks’ sob stories out the woodwork (lol!) so I’m always glad to see a happy couple regardless of how they acted in the past. I got the man who was right for me, and I’d rather spend my energy on strengthening our relationship than bringing down other women. Spread love!

    1. simplysope

      Before we begin:

      “But you know what, I grew up & realized that what other people choose to do with their bodies has nothing to do with me.”

      ALL OF THIS RIGHT HERE. The idea of what a hoe is is what bothers me the most. What makes a ‘questionable past’? What a woman does with her body and who she does it with doesn’t and shouldn’t disqualify her from whatever happiness she may find. How many men do we know in real life or through the media w/”Questionable relationships with women in the past” who somehow find a great partner? For those in the slow class please see: Jay Z + Beyonce.

      All of that aside, an excellent post. I don’t understand why if someone else is happy or “wins” or whatever, others feel like it takes away from them. I mean damn, there is room for us all and we can all shine. And like Gem said, not every marriage is blessed.. More power to the both of them. If marrying Wiz is winning for Amber, then congrats to you girl, you won.

  12. Tiffany In Houston

    To riff a bit off the original topic, I’ve experienced folks say well how did that unattractive chick/fat chick/single mama chick/not so smart chick/hood chick get HIM? How did she get CHOSE?

    And that’s just your entitlement showing. Get over yourself.

    I don’t really get invested in celeb relationships as it is..so good for Amber and Wiz..

    But it’s in people’s best interest to stop worrying about what the other man/woman is doing to get chosen and work on how to get it for yourself…if that’s what you want.

    1. Jubilance

      Absolutely! It’s really an extension of some type of entitlement – “I went to school/got a job/own a house/can make my pussy pop/whatever so I deserve a good man/that car/whatever”. Folks need to chill out with all that.

  13. CaliGirlED

    I don’t get it either. It’s like women don’t expect that other women with questionable sexual pasts can’t find a man that will settle down with them. It’s like they’re surprised and pissed that a man will settle down with them. If that’s what that man likes, then why throw shade at his woman, or at him? More than likely if that’s what he likes, and you’re not doing that, then you’re not the woman for him anyway. So WHY does it matter? IJS

  14. fourpageletter

    I like this post because it touches on many points.

    Have I used the expression? Yes. Is it judgmental, immature and rooted in jealousy/low self of steam? Probably if I looked at it hard enough.

    As someone else touched on, we as females are told what you should and should not do in order to be considered wife material. And let’s not forget the fellas are just as quick to say you should never turn a hoe into a housewife.

    When we see someone doing the exact opposite and yet still ‘winning’ the prize that many (but not all) covet – it can be hard to swallow. I think someone who feels this way, feels it no matter of its a celeb or the local chick from around the way.

    We also live in an age where people feel to express their opinion about others more openly than we did in the past. Especially about people we don’t know, safe for a few facts.

    I’ve never met a stripper in real life. But it’s a common misconception that stripping is a gateway drug to prostitution. This isn’t a far stretch because it does happen. Now maybe not for exotic chicks like amber, but we’re naive to think that it doesn’t happen at all.

    That being said – I don’t know him, her or their relationship. They seem to be in love and regardless of previous professions – he put a ring on it. We cannot compare him to joe who values the opinion of his mom above all others.

    So in closing (sorry for longass comment) – until the value of male attention for posting #tittytuesday pictures and half-naked avis is devalued significantly, women are going to continue to erroneously pre-judge a woman’s character (deem her a hoe) and think that because the dudes would smash and are losing their minds on twitter = winning.

    I’ll take quality over quantity anyway of the week

  15. Adaguzo Aniniba

    Great and funny post.

    To answer your question… I don’t care. When I heard the news, I thought “meh, good for them… next…”

    I could careless because their relationship has nothing to do with my day to day life, nor does it influence my day to day life.

    If hoe’s are winning, I’m clearly losing. But I know I’m not losing, nor am I a hoe… I hate when people use that phrase because they clearly have insecurities about themselves We also have a generation folks who speak/tweet/post before they think.

  16. WarrenAZ

    I don’t think its about the women themselves per se. Its about following “the formula”; being sexually discreet, decent, pleasant, and modest, because that’s what they say guys like, just to find out its all bullshit and dudes have been lying about how willing they are to turn hoes into housewives.

    Its easy to point to perceived insecurities in women especially when you know every woman will cosign to keep herself from looking petty, jealous, or any human emotion she is entitled to feel-because she is human.

    Anyway, you can act like its unsophisticated (or unfashionable) to look at women of questionable repute with rings and go “WTF?!” Its perfectly natural and should be expected.

  17. Ashley Marcia

    The hoes be winning statement is about a double standard with women and hyprocrisy with men. It’s the frustration that what men say and do are two completely different things entirely. Generally speaking, men always swear that they would never wife this kind of woman, but when given time and opportunity, this is in fact the very woman they often go far. Say what you mean and mean what you say.


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