A conversation with my dad

“What’s up dog?”

My dad has this thing now where he tries to talk in slang when addressing me. I find it comical because my dad is 62 years old.

“Nothing much dad just chilling. How are things with you?”

Our conversations always start the same. After a little small talk and him telling me that he was making plans to drive up and see me he asked me:

“How is your girlfriend doing? Are you learning Spanish? You know that you should learn. It’s not that much different from Yoruba. If I can pick it up you should try to.”

At first I kind of tuned my dad out but then I was grateful that he wasn’t talking about one of my exes. For some reason he was fascinated with her and thought that she would have made the perfect wife for me. After that relationship I tended to be a little guarded when discussing relationships with my parents. Guarded as in I don’t mention them and pray that they let me be. Seeing as how I’m getting pretty serious with my current girlfriend I decided to tell my dad about her. I mentioned that she is half Mexican. He immediately took an interest in her.

My dad lived for a couple of years in Spain so he’s fluent in Spanish and is infatuated with the language.

“Do you love her?”

Huh what? That question threw me for a loop because my dad had never asked me that type of question before. Although I’m a very affectionate person I wasn’t raised in the type of household where we discussed our feelings. Sure we loved each other but it was something that was implied rather than said.

Skeptical of the direction the conversation was heading I tried to nonchalantly play off the question and hopefully he would let it slide.

“Yea, I guess so. So….”

“Does she love you?”

What did I do to deserve this? Why can’t I have a dad who calls me to talk about sports?

“Son, you know that life is a lot easier when you have a woman that loves you. Trust me I know what I’m talking about.”

At this point I’m wondering if my dad is really getting off on making me uncomfortable.

“Yea dad I’m sure it is.”

Maybe if I agree with him he’ll let this conversation go. I was wrong. My dad proceeded to go into a story about how things would have been easier for him if he did this and he made things harder for himself by making a series of decisions. Perhaps my dad really is getting sentimental in his old age.

“Anyway son I know you have work to do [I didn’t. It was 6:30 and I was walking toward the subway] so I let you go.”

“Alright dad. Talk to you later and let me know when you plan on coming up.”

“Ok and tell your girlfriend, [something in Spanish that translated to “My father said hello.”]

“Ok I doubt I’m going to remember that but I’ll try.”

“[laughing] Alright well I’ll let you go. I love you. Bye.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

As an adult I can appreciate conversations like this with my dad because growing up even though I’m a junior I wasn’t that close to my dad. Sure we lived in the same house but I just didn’t take to him. We often butted heads about one thing or another so I became more closer to my mother. Now we have a closer relationship I’m grateful that I did and do have my father in my life. One who wants the best for me and gives me advice based. on his on triumphs and disasters. I know a lot of men my age never knew their dad or know him sparingly.

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14 thoughts on “A conversation with my dad

  1. Darrk Gable

    I can relate to most of this. My father and I didn’t live in the same house growing up, but he and my younger brothers did. It feels like as we’ve all gotten older, Dad and I have a closer relationship than he does with my brothers. I’m really not sure. All I know is that I’m thankful to have the bond we do.

    Reply
  2. stlunatic06

    Shit. Our dads are the exact same age, and this is mirror for mirror one of these weird convos he wants to have sometimes. Except mine was in the opposite direction, when I told him about…recent events lol.

    He told me to run the next one by him before I get serious with her. Oh..ok. We barely talk about things unrelated to my house, car and/or school, now he wants to be my relationship counselor. Ok old man.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      lol at parents trying to play relationship counselors. sometimes I look at my dad and think why would I take your advice? I’ve seen everywhere you’ve gone wrong. then I remember that he just wants the best for me.

      Reply
  3. That Damn African

    Interesting because I’ve been thinking about my relationship with my father lately as I read this book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. He was always in my life, but I never felt close to him. I saw him as an authority figure and a disciplinarian, not someone to be vulnerable in front of. So I didn’t share much of myself with him. Fast forward to today and, while I can see some of those curtains coming down, I still feel uncomfortable talking to him relationships and other things.

    Reply
  4. Phidelity15

    This was sweet. Parents always come around with the most awkward conversations when you think you don’t want to hear it. It just might be that you NEEDED to hear it. The importance of it may not show til much later.
    Annnnd seeing as I have the memory of an elephant (how fitting) I remember reading a post long long time ago on this page about how folks were telling you that your next girl will be the one you marry. How cute and accurate and cosmically aligned would that be?!? #ijs

    Reply
    1. gemmieboo

      LOL! girl you and elephants go together much more than i initially realized lol

      he did write a post about some one telling him he wa slike 1.5 gfs away from getting married. and he said he didnt think within a year’s time he’d find a woman he was sure he wanted to settle down with. hmmm very interesting.

      Reply
  5. gemmieboo

    what a nice post 🙂

    its nice that you and your dad have a good relationship. its not perfect, and its probably a lot different now that you’re older than when you were younger, but thats ok.

    i wouldnt exactly consider my dad and i “close”. we dont have conversations about personal topics (altho he has recently been known to ask about my bf and threaten to school him in basketball lol smh), hes not affectionate and i dont think ive ever seen my dad show any emotion aside from anger when it wasnt related to a death in the family. but i know my dad loves me and i know he wants whats best for me. so whenever he does take the rare occasion to offer fatherly advice, i listen up and cherish the moment.

    Reply
    1. madscientist7 Post author

      lol your dad is a trip tho. i like him. don’t know about the whole basketball thing. well now that my groin has me out of commission he could maybe stand a chance.

      Reply
      1. gemmieboo

        its easy to get along with my dad when hes not YOUR dad lol. but i can honestly say i wouldnt trade him for any other father in the world. he is who he is.

        i dont know if you saw how badly he was limping but i think you could beat my dad in bball from a wheelchair lol.

  6. Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

    Parents and their relationship insight… *Smh* He loves Moneypenny to death though.

    My dad and I are close but our conversations are very terse. We bond over watching baseball or football but very seldom get wordy. Most of this is because he’s 46 years older than me (45 older than my brother). We’re men of different times but the messages always get through. Wouldn’t change a thing.

    Reply
  7. Muze

    aw. that’s sweet.

    at least your dad didn’t discover your significant other’s “Single Black Male” blog and call you with 1000 questions on why you were dating someone proudly single. lmao.

    my dad is always asking questions. i was glad when he finally met him so he could see i wasn’t dating some womanizing player. lol. i mean, this man was watching videos on the site and confusing one bald man with the other, calling him a “new n*gga” like “what does he mean he won’t talk to a woman that’s not in arms reach. these new n*ggas, i tell ya.”

    LOL.

    Reply

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