How I became a jaded man (II)

If you missed part I click here to catch up.

A couple weeks before I asked Stacey to be my girlfriend we had an unfortunate incident involving Steve. Turns out the burglar that took all of Stacey’s stuff hit the entire neighborhood and Stacey at the time didn’t have renter’s insurance. Guess who did though? Yep, Steve who lived in the same neighborhood was hit less than a week later but he had renter’s insurance. Stacey had a bright idea of claiming her missing items with Steve’s insurance company.

Although it happened more than 8 years ago I remember this day like it was yesterday.  One night Stacey’s friend was in town staying with her because she had an interview for dental school. I came by to say hi to her friend and I wasn’t there for more than 20 minutes before Stacey’s phone rang.



“Well I can get it from you at school tomorrow.”

“No I don’t want you to come over here right now.”


“No really I can get it from you tomorrow. Are you drunk?”

After she hung up the phone she told me that Steve had received some of the items in the mail from his insurance company and he was on the way over to drop them off. She also told me that she didn’t want him to know I was over there. I wanted to call her on her bullshit but because her friend was also there I decided to refrain. When her phone rang she went downstairs (My friends and I helped her move all her stuff from the 1st floor to the 3rd floor because I felt it wasn’t safe for her to remain on ground level). A couple of minutes later there was loud banging on the door. As I opened the door Steve stood there breathing hard, “I need to talk to you downstairs right now!” I could see Stacey coming up the stairs at that point.

I don’t’ know why Stacey would have thought that Steve wouldn’t know I wasn’t over there. Not too many people in the city of Nashville drove an Accord with Que license plates on the front. As I followed Steve down the stairs Stacey tried to stop me from following him. “Please don’t go down there, he’s drunk.” I really didn’t care because at this point I felt that he had challenged my manhood. I’m pretty nice with my hands and I was taller than him by a good 8 inches. I wouldn’t have hurt him too bad. About half way down the stairs he stops and turns towards me.

“I just want to know what your relationship with Stacey is.”

“Same as yours. We’re just friends.”

“I know you’re just friends but what do y’all do?”

“We do what friends do.”

“I know but I wanna know the extent.”

“Why are you so interested in what we do?”

“You want to know why? Its because I love her!”

At this point I’m so taken aback I actually had to pause and take in the situation. How did my life become a lifetime movie? This can’t be real. Only it was all too real. Stacey interjected at this point with:

“Fine! You want to know what our relationship is so bad Steve? We’re fucking!”

I swear to you it looked like someone shot Steve in the heart with an invisible gun. He dejectedly turned towards me and asked. “Is this true?”

The only thing I could respond with was: “Well she said it.” He then with a blank expression walked down the rest of the stairs and sped off into the night. That night I told her that if we were going to continue dating then she had to choose between him or me. She chose me.

As I said in the last post that summer we were taking an intensive course that had us in school all day. The TA for that course was Steve. The beginning of the summer was great. During the second week of class I noticed something was up with her demeanor towards me. On Friday we went out to dinner after class and after class we went to her apartment. Post coitus we were laying in bed and her cell phone rang. She hit the ignore button then less than a minute later her house phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and let it go to voicemail. This was 2005 so she had a regular answering machine where her messages came on a speaker. The person calling left a message. It was Steve.

“I have that book you wanted. I was going to bring it over tonight but you can pick it up when you stop by my crib tomorrow.”

She looked like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. After an awkward moment of silence I said: “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”

She flipped the script so fast and got mad that I would insinuate that she would try to play me. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. After some more awkward moments of silence she said, “I think we should take some time apart. I feel like we rushed into this.” Have you ever been broken up with while you were naked? Has to be the top 5 worst ways to be broken up with.

That night I cried all the way home and I slept maybe 30 minutes that night.  That was the first time in my life I had truly given my heart to a woman and she stepped all over it. No disrespect to my first two girlfriends who I told I loved but I really didn’t know what love was before that. I learned that being in love also means being vulnerable. It sucked so bad that I learned that lesson at 23 years old but I was glad that I didn’t learn it later in life.

To be continued..


16 thoughts on “How I became a jaded man (II)

  1. Muze

    Damn. Stacey was breaking hearts left and right.

    she was a bad liar though. and you were naive. ah, college.

    i can’t imagine you crying. nope. didn’t happen. lol you seem to be made of some sort of stone material. i can’t see it!

  2. FJ

    Your story is so common and familiar among men. I’d say I’m surprised, but it literally could be retold verbatim…and yet, so many men retell it or hold onto it as the reason they are “jaded” or “bitter”. I’m sorry you experienced this. No one should have to feel hurt or betrayed by anyone s/he cares about. The whole “she was fucking someone else” thing resonates strongly for men…and at such young ages. Goodness. This is why I don’t advocate getting into serious relationships that young; dealing with a break up and betrayal while still trying to discover who you are? Yeah, that gets woven into the fabric of your being unnecessarily.

    There is something to be said about forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness of others is cool, but it more about forgiveness of self. It is because we struggle to forgive ourselves for being what we feel is “stupid” or “blind” or whatever, we can’t seem to reconcile that… shit happens.

    So we hold onto it, like a badge. Wear it almost proudly and rely on it as an excuse to stay disconnected, to not give a fuck, to explain away the “mistakes” we make going forward with others.

    Can’t do it.

    Here’s to your healing!

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      thanks for the comment feminista. i agree with you. it is about forgiveness of self. i’ve already reached that point and i’ve forgiven all parties involved (matter of fact i’m pretty cool with “steve”). looking back on it i also agree that people shouldn’t enter serious relationships at a young age. i will say this, the story has a happy ending. 🙂

    2. Courtney T.

      “There is something to be said about forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness of others is cool, but it’s more about forgiveness of self. It is because we struggle to forgive ourselves for being what we feel is “stupid” or “blind” or whatever, we can’t seem to reconcile that… shit happens.
      So we hold onto it, like a badge. Wear it almost proudly and rely on it as an excuse to stay disconnected, to not give a fuck, to explain away the “mistakes” we make going forward with others.”
      Damn, I read this statement like 3 times. That’s about as real as it gets!! Well said.

  3. Lioness Rising

    wow this story took a turn! Like I feel your pain but at the same time this is crazy! Both of them gotta go. I home Stacy learned too, because she can do better for herself to act like this.

  4. JewelTone

    Love the truth in your voice (as I read). Glad you can be honest about what it was, what it did, and how it affected you. While I’ve never been broken up with while naked… I have realized, while naked, that something would never go where I really wanted it to go and that I had to choose what it was going to be from that day on, and not get caught up in the nakedness. Its hard but…life goes on.

    Can’t wait for part III 🙂

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      thanks! yeah i figured it happened so long ago and i’m over it that i could share with my readers. open up a little. sometimes the “nakedness” leads us to places we never thought we would go/be. but you live and you learn. i’ll probably post part III on tuesday since monday is a holiday.

  5. Adonis

    I have no problem with women wanting to be independent, sl*tty, or just want men strictly for what they can do for them. But leave my heart & my wallet out of it. And marriage is definitely out of the question.

    I believe that as long as a woman can finance her lifestyle, she is free to be who she wants , again leave my wallet out of this.

    Another thing is, most young (& some old) women are so solipsistic & care about what women go through, their lack of understanding the modern male experience is appalling. I think that has to do with the fact that society sees women as more valuable as a collective (eggs are cheap.)They throw a fit when they hear from cold-blooded men like myself (at least coldblooded to women.)

    But I am glad you charged Stacey to the game, and she made you a more mature man because of it. Everyone you come in contact will be better off because of the emotional wounds Stacey infliced.

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      i wouldn’t say that stacey in our relationship was particularly slutty or that she used me for my money (i was a broke graduate student). i know that she wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time even though we both cared for each other. if we had both been more honest about our expectations we both could have avoided a lot of lost time and spent emotions.

      1. Adonis


        I was speaking in general. I wasn’t putting Stacey in any particular category.

        Obviously is a woman is in a relationship with you or working toward a relationship, there are some unwritten rules women don’t break. That’s it.

        Keep up the good work.

  6. Pingback: How I became a jaded man (III) « The Native Son

  7. Pingback: How I became a jaded man (V) « The Native Son

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