Happiness is a warm gun.

“Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.”
― Robert Frost

I like this quote about happiness.

It also happens to describe my precarious relationship with a feeling that used to come so easy to me. I’ve come to realize that happiness is as fleeting an emotion as anger or anticipation or disgust. As a child and young adult I thought that happiness was something of a right because it came so naturally. I deserved it. There are so many pictures of me as a child caught mid laughter. I still smile in pictures but this is sometimes done by trained reaction not genuine joy. Happiness, now is a like a rollercoaster. There few large climaxes with little ups and downs that sustains me until the next large climax.

I’ve often asked myself, “Do other people have these same fixations on happiness?” Do they fret over it as much as I do or do they just enjoy life and take it as it comes?

In my last post I wrote about how I feel I suffer from depression. While I don’t think depression and happiness (or lack thereof) go hand in hand; I do believe that they are intimately connected. It might be commonplace that a person who seems happy on the surface may in fact be putting on a front for the world around them. It’s so simple to post snippets of your life on social media while collecting Instagram likes, Facebook shares and Twitter retweets while feeling dead on the inside.

As a real adult, not a pretend one, I learned that no one promised me joy and happiness. I have the right to pursue that happiness but it is indeed a privilege that should be enjoyed while it lasts. Now the tough part is actually doing just that instead of typing it.


8 thoughts on “Happiness is a warm gun.

  1. gemmieboo

    happiness is indeed an interesting experience. i remember hearing a sermon about happiness v. joy – we get happiness from the world, its a feeling we typically get from external stimuli, actions, or experiences, but joy comes from God and is an internal state of being.

    as an adult i too have seen how difficult it can be to conjure up a happy feeling. it takes work to feel happy… when did that happen? happiness doesnt have to be hard to come by but it isnt passive. and when the weight of real life sh*t is on your shoulders, when things arent going right, when we arent at our best, its hard to not feel other “negative” emotions instead.

    i dont always feel happy, but i do have this sense of inner contentment and “joy”. im grateful for what and who i have in my life and that sense of peace and comfort keeps me pushing through all the times i feel sad, angry, disappointed, alone, and broken. not every day is a cartwheel day, but each day there is promise that it will be better than the one before.

  2. Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

    You know I never thought about being happy or joyful until a few years ago when I was talking to my oldest sister about depression and she said she didn’t know if she had truly ever know joy. Although she was speaking from her perspective I was taken back as her youngest brother because I felt like there could of been something that I could have done but there wasn’t. It made me thing about my joy and happiness and I didn’t like what I found. Neither joy or happiness are a constant for me but I work on it by compartmentalizing stress but that isn’t exactly healthy either.

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      although i go through my own issues and i’m sure there are people who want to be there for me and make things better there’s nothing that they can do. i’m sure if roles were reversed then i would feel the same exact way. as far as stress i learned a long time ago that it wasn’t going to rule me. after i stressed out enough over getting into grad school and patches of my hair fell out. smh

  3. blackmartian

    This documentary looks at happiness, and I think (after watching) that happiness is something simpler than American society allows many of us to see. To me, happiness is in finding those things in our life that are tied us in a way that the pursuit of these is as enjoyable as obtaining/achieving them. Once these things are discovered, I believe a sanctuary has also been found; a place/method of recharging your happiness as other things in life seem to subtract from our happiness, even in thought of them alone.

    That being said, I don’t think anyone should expect to always be happy. But I think happiness lies in knowing how to get that feeling back actively.

    1. madscientist7 Post author

      someone recommended that documentary to me this morning on twitter. i’m definitely gonna have to check it out. i think i agree with you about how to find happiness.

  4. scoodle32

    This is a great post. I was having a conversation with my brother and I told him something that it took me years to learn. The biggest misconception that people have about happiness is that it’s something that just HAPPENS to you. It doesn’t. You have to work and fight to get to happy, and then you have to work to keep it, because this imperfect world will surely take it right out from under you. It’s been one of my greatest lessons as an adult. So I feel you.


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