Marriage for All…

On April 23, 2013 France passed their “Marriage For All” law that extends marriage and adoption rights to gay couples. France is the 14^th country in the world to pass such a law.  I couldn’t be happier for France because rights such as this shouldn’t be limited to certain parts of a country but should be extended to all citizens. France and 13 other countries get that. America doesn’t. Perhaps it’s because marriage equality is such a polarizing issue, but our federal government just can’t get it together. Providing certain rights to a certain subset of our citizens but not others is not something that should be left up to states. Although I would like to point out that my home state recently made history as the first state to affirm marriage equality at the ballot box.

Many of my friends have been getting married, I recently attended my first same-sex marriage and it was absolutely beautiful. The two brides (African-American and Sudanese) seemed to be completely in love and I’m happy they can start their lives together with the same rights to marriage as any man and woman in this country. It’s a shame that if they lived in a state like Virginia, then it wouldn’t be possible. Before I got to the wedding, I wondered if it would feel any different from a heterosexual wedding, but I saw and felt no discernible difference between any heterosexual weddings I’ve attended.

Check out the rest at Single Black Male…

What’s Next?

Never in my life have I been in a place where I didn’t have something to do.

I started preschool at 4. I received my degree at 20. I got my admission deferred to grad school for a year to take care of family issues but I knew that was my next step. I received graduate degree at 29. When I defended my thesis I already knew where I would be working in the fall. That summer I even worked two jobs (teaching and research) before I moved to New York. With that said, I’m no stranger to work and education. I’ve never been indolent.

For the past 20 months I’ve poured a lot of time and effort into my job. Anyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about my research. I make a decent amount of money which means shit because I live in an expensive city. I work weekends (without pay). I work[ed] 8-12 hour workdays (without overtime). I don’t complain because it comes with the territory. This is the profession I chose. I like science. I like that my work is rewarding and may some day go into saving countless lives.

I like science but I’m also interested in politics. I’ve paid attention to Obamacare to the presidential election to the looming fiscal cliff and more recently the recent sequestration. Politics interest me but it has never really affected me in a personal way. I’d tune into MSNBC or CNN and see accounts of people who were laid off in private and government sectors due to choices made in Congress. While I may have felt for them it never really hit home. Until two weeks ago.

For anyone reading this who isn’t really sure how basic science research is funded I’ll break it down for you. If you are a basic scientist unless you work for a private company like Merck, Pfizer or Johnson&Johnson chances are the money that pays your salary comes from the government in the form of research grants from agencies like the National Institutes of Health (NIH- the largest), the Department of Defense (DOD), National Science Foundation (NSF), etc. This means that the money that funds the research done in this country on diseases such as cancer, HIV, muscular dystrophy, ADHD, etc is earmarked by Congress and approved by the President of the United States.

These are the cuts that some research agencies are facing due to the sequestration:

National Institutes of Health: $2,393,820,000
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: $444,600,000
Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality: $29,016,000
Food and Drug Administration: $191,100,000
National Science Foundation: $538,200,000

I never really thought about how Congress’ ineptness could lead to me being without a job. That is exactly what happened two weeks ago. My boss called me into her office and told me that she had been writing two different grant proposals and they both got really good scores that under normal circumstances would have gotten funded but because of the sequester they weren’t. Basically she ran out of money to pay as many people as she does. I could write about how my boss had to have seen this coming months in advance but only gave me 30 days notice but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to focus on the positive.

For now I’m content to move back to the DMV (a place I haven’t lived in 9 years) and relax for a little bit. I haven’t been able to kick my feet up in such a long time. I’ll be working on a couple of projects that I’ve never had the time to start, playing in a couple basketball leagues, and I may even get my bartender’s license. I know I will be traveling a great deal this summer so I might be coming to a city near you. I know what my next move will be but I don’t exactly know when it will be and I’m ok with that. I’m excited about the possibility of continuing cancer research while expanding my teaching experience and working with outreach initiatives. Until then I’m going to enjoy time to myself. Something that I haven’t done in a long time.

Not Everything Is Ok In Black America, But What’s Next?

Where is our voice?

“The group most devastated by America’s obsession with the gun, is African Americans. Although making comparisons can be dangerous, there are times when they must be noted. America has the largest prison population in the world. And of the over 2 million men, women and children who make up the incarcerated, the overwhelming majority is black. We are the most unemployed, the most caught up in the unjust systems of justice, and in the gun game, we are the most hunted. The river of blood that washes the streets of our nation flows mostly from the bodies of our black children. Yet, as the great debate emerges on the question of the gun, white America discusses constitutional issue of ownership, while no one speaks of the consequences of our racial carnage. The question is, where is the raised voice of Black America? Why are we mute? Where are our leaders? Our legislators? Where is the church?”

These is part of the acceptance speech give by Harry Belafonte at the N.A.A.C.P. Image awards as he was distinguished as being the 97^th Spingarn Medal recipient.  Belafonte is renowned as a singer and songwriter but I will always hold him in high regard as being a key social activist during the Civil Rights era. At 85 years of age, he could have got on stage and talked about himself. He could have given the routine; typical acceptance speech and no one would have said a word. Instead he touched on the sensitive topic of race and gun control, he asked tough, hard-hitting questions that I’m sure made a lot of people around America uncomfortable regardless of race. I for one was inspired by his speech. Its not everyday that you see anyone use their fame and audience to speak on a platform and not try to appease the majority but say what is really on their mind and in their heart.

“Athletes today are scared to make Muhammad Ali statements.”- Nasir Jones

To read the rest click here. 

The War on Christianity

Last week I flew to Portland to see my girlfriend and while I was there on a long weekend we attended church together. Since I’ve moved from Nashville and subsequently my church home (Mt. Zion Baptist Church) I’ve been something of a nomad when it comes to finding a church home. I don’t mind it though because it gives me to experience the preaching style of different pastors as well as listen to different choirs. Overall I had a great experience but one thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the inference that there was this supposed war on Christianity in this country. Sadly this isn’t the first time I have heard such claims that Christians in this country are having the right to practice religion infringed upon.

really? Really? REALLY?

I’ve noticed this same rhetoric after the Sandy Hook tragedy. I purposely didn’t share my opinions on social media about various aspects of what occurred. For one I’m pretty sure most people know my stance on gun control but I’ve vowed to never debate 2^nd Amendment enthusiasts again. I’ve also touched on Separation of Church and State before but I saw so many people saying that this tragedy happened because God isn’t allowed in schools that I wanted to revisit this topic.

I understand that a lot of people that live in America think that the world begins and ends with the borders of the continental United States. Religious persecution isn’t someone using legislation to ban from displaying the Nativity scene, or not allowing dedicated prayer time during the school day. Even though all students in the class might not be Christian and I doubt time official school hours are set aside for observance of other religions. By the way no one is taking prayer out of school. Students can still bring Holy Bibles and pray on their own time. Just like what occurs at many of our jobs.

You know what religious persecution is? It’s being cut down by machine guns along side your family because you’re Christian. This occurred to over 100 people in Nigeria not even three months ago. Or perhaps in Egypt where there are flyers being distributed that call for the death of Christians in return for reward. Last time I checked there was no blatant call of action for the deaths of Christians in this country. No one is killing you. No one is maiming you. You aren’t being thrown in jail. You are allowed practice your religion however you please or not at all. This brings me back to the individuals who believe that the Sandy Hook tragedy happened because God isn’t in schools.

I could be wrong but I thought that the eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good (Proverbs 15:3) not every place but schools since Bibles aren’t allowed there anymore. God is omnipotent, God is everywhere and to say that God isn’t in schools anymore or that this is somehow the fault of other religions or atheists for pushing the preference of one religion over another in state and federally funded schools is just plain lazy reasoning. I need anyone who uses this argument to do better.

Founding Father of Bigotry

My eighth grade U.S. History teacher was a middle-aged white man named Mr. Butkus (son of the Hall of Fame Chicago Bears Linebacker Dick Butkus). I loved his class because he passionate about what he taught and it had a trickle down effect to his students. I learned so much in the year I took his class. I still remember him passionately standing in front of the class retelling the story of the battles at Valley Forge and Fort Sumter. Only with hindsight did I realize that with being so engrossed in the immaculate story telling abilities of Mr. Butkus he never really mentioned the history of Black people within the history of this country. I don’t believe that he purposely left that out. He taught what the curriculum required.

When taking U.S. history I had a favorite president, Thomas Jefferson. I thought that he was such an accomplished man/president. He was the principle author of the Declaration of the Independence. He was the first Secretary of State and was vice-president under John Adams, he oversaw the Louisiana Purchase and he commissioned the Lewis and Clark expedition. One thing that was glossed over was that Thomas Jefferson was a lifelong long advocate of and owner of slaves. I was sent a link to a New York Times op-ed by Paul Finkelman and while reading it I couldn’t help but shake my head in disgust at some of the some of the quotes by Jefferson.

This leads me to a bigger issue we have with the glorification and whitewashing of this country’s forefathers (notice I didn’t say “our country”).  Jefferson is revered as one of this country’s greatest presidents. His face even adorns Mount Rushmore (along with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt), the nickel (his home Monticello is on the back) and the two-dollar bill.

Jefferson claimed her had “never seen an elementary trait of painting or sculpture” or poetry among blacks and argued that blacks’ ability to “reason” was “much inferior” to whites’, while “in imagination they are dull, tasteless, and anomalous.”

Antebellum enthusiasts (Thomas Sowell I’m looking at you[1]) would argue that Jefferson was just a product of his time and the culture of country in which he lived. The America then was not the America of today. That’s fine when the man who wrote the words “all men are created equal” is talking about you but what about when those words weren’t meant to include you? It is time that men like Jefferson are really seen as they are instead of through rose-tinted glasses. He helped build this country out of the stages of infancy into the world power it is today. He also was morally bankrupt. When he passed his will only freed 5 slaves (his children he had with Sally Hemings) but not Sally Hemings herself. What part of the game is that? We need to stop trying to rewrite history that changes old white men who periwigs into superheroes.

I don’t want any Thomas Jefferson aficionados to think I’m picking on Thomas Jefferson. I just as easily could have written about Abraham Lincoln and Hollywood’s fascination with wanting to paint him as a president who wanted to end slavery based solely on his moral objection to it. We alllll know that ‘s not true but I guess if Hollywood keeps making movies about it then maybe they can rewrite history that way because you know people don’t really read books like that anymore.

[1] Thomas Sowell is a great social theorist, political philosopher, and author but after reading his Black Rednecks and White Liberals I became turned off when as a black man I found that he made excuse after excuse for slavery.

How I became a jaded man (VI)

When I started this series I was worried that by writing it I would come off as an innocent bystander who had no fault in how things progressed and ultimately ended. I definitely shouldered my fair share of deceitfulness, stubbornness and spitefulness. I didn’t include those things because that’s not what made a jaded man. In fact I would go as far to say that most of the things that I left out that played into the demise of my relationship were reactionary. I now know that that’s no way to maintain a relationship of any kind. Two wrongs never add up to a right. As much angst that I endured I’m glad for one thing.

I learned what bullshit not to put up with from a woman. If I were a woman I would be given the cliché advice that I would have to kiss a few frogs to find my prince. No one thinks about the effect of a really bad experience can have on a man. Before that relationship I was still naïve and wet behind the ears when it came to dealing with women. I learned that all women aren’t innocent and they are capable of manipulating and cheating. Not because they aren’t getting enough attention or because they don’t feel connected to the person they are with. Just like men they can stray just because they want to and they have the opportunity.

At the end of the last post I said that was the end of things with Stacey but I wasn’t entirely truthful. As with most matters of the heart clean breaks rarely occur. That summer after going back and forth a couple of times with what accounted to nothing more than throwback sex and arguing. One day out of the blue she asked me “Why is it that some people in your fraternity won’t date a woman if she previously dated someone in the same fraternity?” Knowing our history I should have known how loaded that question was but given our status I told myself I didn’t care.

Eventually we drifted further and further apart until we eventually stopped talking all together. I would eventually see her around campus since her laboratory was in a different building. I was pretty sure she was dating other people as I definitely was taking advantage of my newfound singleness. Nashville isn’t that big of a city and it’s even smaller when you only take into account young black professionals. Eventually I found out that she was dating one of my frat brothers who had moved to the Nashville area whom I had known before I moved there. When I found out I was so indifferent to the news that I might as well have been reading it in a newspaper about a complete stranger. That’s when I knew I was truly over with her. One of our classmates keeps me updated with (unsolicited) updates on her life. She told me that Stacey was engaged (and I’m assuming she’s now married) to my frat brother. I guess most would say she won.

As I said earlier in this post I learned what not to accept from a woman in regards to my own happiness and pride but I also learned what I actually wanted in a woman. While I still did what a lot of jaded men do (read: be a man whore and in turn hurt other women) I knew what it was I wanted in a woman. My story is far from over but I’ve found happier times. Today I truly believe I have found what I’ve been looking for. Everything that I know I don’t want in a woman she doesn’t exude. Everything that I discovered I’ve desired in a woman including honesty, loyalty, and sensitivity I’ve found in her. I’m finally genuinely happy and I can see myself being happy with her for a long time. In the end I won. I’ve realized that I wasn’t really naïve or wet behind the ears. I loved a woman and when you truly love a person you open up yourself to be hurt. It’s the risk you take when you trust someone with your heart. If you can make one heap of all your [feelings], And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings… I’m older and wiser but I’m right back where I was before but I understand that it’s all about the chances you take.

Thanks for reading how I became a jaded man who is no longer jaded. Fin. 

How I became a jaded man (V)

To catch up check out Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV

The next three months were a blur of fights and arguments. I became numb to a lot of the bullshit during that time. I looked back at a lot of things I put up with and I got madder and madder. Hindsight I should have just left her alone but I didn’t know any better. I wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt me. I cheated on her a couple times and thought nothing of it.

One weekend I was at a party and Adriana was there. She had moved to Iowa at the end of the previous summer.  She was looking really good and we ended up talking for a bit. I told her I wanted to talk to her and set things straight on exactly how I left things hanging between us. She told me that she would find me later on during the party. I went on to partying with my boys and I danced with a couple of women, had a couple of drinks and danced with more women. One of my boys tapped me on the shoulder and told me, “Stacey is over on the other side of the club giving you the death stare.” At that point I was pretty intoxicated so I didn’t care if she felt any type of way about it.

I eventually found Adriana and started talking but it was really loud so we walked toward the back of the club were the bathrooms were. After we got a place where we could hear each other I explained to her that when I asked her out I still wasn’t over my ex and it wasn’t fair for me to put that on her. As we were talking Stacey walked up to us and just stood there.

“So what are you guys talking about?”

“We’re just talking.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“That would be great.”

It was harsh but at that point I was drunk and my feelings for Stacey had diminished to a point where I didn’t care if her feelings were hurt or not. Adriana and I continued talking for about 10 minutes before Stacey came back and defiantly stood there. Adriana looked perplexed before she just said. “I guess I’ll talk to you later Tunde and walked away.”

“So you just gonna talk to her like that while everyone thinks we’re still together? Do you know how embarrassing that is to me?”

“Hmmm, that sounds real familiar.”

“Don’t go there!”

“Why not?”

“And you embarrassed me dancing with that girl like that. How would you like it if I went and got drunk and grinded my ass all over some random nigga’s dick?”

“So what you drinking?”

At this point she slapped the shit out of me. We were standing in front of the bathroom so a lot of people saw what went down. Anyone who knows me knows that I have ZERO tolerance for physical altercations in relationships. Growing up in a home that was marred by domestic violence (going both ways) so I have no patience for it my own relationships. I make this known early on in any serious relationship I get into so she knew exactly how I felt about her putting her hands on me. She had a pretty good idea that I wouldn’t retaliate but I had been drinking so she couldn’t be too sure. This was the point at which I was completely done with her.

“Fuck you and everyone who looks like you. We’re done. When you see me at school or in the streets I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”

I usually don’t use that type of language when speaking to a woman but I was so shocked that she would put her hands on me. That night she showed up at my house to try to apologize for hitting me. Whatever juju she had over me before that night was broken. I got my keys back and I moved on with my life.

To be continued…